Testing Wet Paint by Touching, or, What is Good Grief?

Thomas did not practice social distancing

Obtuseness is a genetic condition that runs in my family and has lodged itself quite deeply into my DNA.  What I mean is that I have a preternatural gift for making things much harder on myself than they needed to be.  When I come upon a sign affixed to a wall labeled "Do Not Touch, Wet Paint", I will be soooo "careful" and touch it with just a little tap of a finger just to be sure it really is wet paint. 

I so do wish that I was able to hear the instruction the first time, to heed the warning at its first cry.  But there is something deeply woven into me that only trusts what I can see, touch and experience in a practical(and sometimes hurtful way).  Like the Disciple Thomas, who had spent 3 years of his life at the feet of Jesus.  He had seen the miracles, heard the words, experienced the power and majesty of the Son of God, yet even as everyone else was able to celebrate the resurrection he just had to touch it with a little tap of his own finger to just see for himself.

Perhaps in the years to come he thought back to that moment that Jesus didn't rebuke him for his doubting, but instead invited him to touch and see for himself.  Even though we call him "Doubting Thomas" today, Jesus was gracious and let Thomas do what he needed to do as he struggled in his own heart to grasp what was right in front of his face. 

I wonder if knowing Jesus loved him enough to let him "find out for himself" was what gave him the confidence to travel as a missionary to India where he would be killed for his faith.  A man who had to touch to believe, believed in that hope to the point of dying for others far from his home. 

Even though I am slow to learn, here is my good news, God is very patient with me.  And He loves me enough to do whatever it takes to help me grow.  This is good news for you as well.  God will let us go through what we need to for the sake of finding Him there at the end of our desperate attempts to try to be in control and figure it all out for ourselves. 

Often our obtuseness leads to heart ach, but the Apostle Paul presents it to us this way,

"Fod Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death"- 2 Corinthians 7:10

I think Thomas was grieved over feeling doubtful in the presence of Jesus, but it was a Godly grief.  It was a grief that drove Him TO Jesus for help.  And Jesus met him there in his struggle and doubt.  And it changed the trajectory of his life to live with boldness, and without regret. 

Worldly grief is a grief that drives us away from God.  Instead of a heart willing to cry out, "Help me God", it says, "I won't let that happen to me again". 

God lets us test and see and experience grief and heartache SO THAT we turn more fully to Him.  But far to often, we do not bring our grief to the cross, we hold it up as a wall and a shield to keep out more risks and possible pain.  And then our grief never meets its healer and will eventually consume us. 

The love God has for us is such that He will let us touch that wet paint, make that stupid choice, wade through the consequences of sin and pain.  He invites us to come to Him WITHOUT all those stupid detours, but He is patient with us when we jump into the mud.  He wades right in with us and carries us out.  And He lets that grief drive us closer to Him. 

Sometimes the grief is because of what we have done, and sometimes the grief is just because life is really hard.  But we choose if it is Godly and will lead to life, or, if it is a grief that will lead to death. 

Are We There Yet? Or, the Pain of Waiting on God

Moses probably had it pretty rough

Do you know why dad's get mad driving their family to vacation?  Because hearing, "Are We there yet??" every 2 1/2  miles is enough to break the most hardened Navy Seal.  If you ever wanted to interrogate a terrorist to find where the dirty bomb was placed, don't waterboard, just have them drive my kids somewhere more than an hour away.  I give them 30 minutes before they help us permanently shut down ISIS. 

It is a part of our fallen nature that we struggle with the patience that a journey requires of us.  A significant part of that struggle is that;

1- We are so excited we want it RIGHT NOW, and, sometimes,

2- We are afraid that we will never get there to experience what we are hoping for. 

My kids sometimes are worried that if it takes too long the resort will be closed, the beach will be shut down, the vacation home will be unavailable. 

These two emotions, impatience and anxiety, are at war within us even as we try to joyfully anticipate where the journey is taking us.  And here is where it gets dicy for us.  Sometimes we can become so impatient and anxious in our behavior that we rob all joy from the journey and make arriving at our destination a less than joyful moment. 

Have you ever been so exhausted of your trip, and the constant heckling of some backseat drivers, that you feel you are going to need a few days to just recover from the journey before you can even enjoy where you have arrived??

This is an ongoing battle within our own hearts as we "try" to wait on God.  We can grasp the concept that there is a reason for the wait.  But we become frustrated and even fearful that what we are waiting for will never materialize.  We cry out, "But why not yet God??!!?"  And every time we give into that emotion and let it dominate us we are creating the environment that, instead of giving us peace and joy, gives us increasing anxiety and unhappiness. 

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.- 2 Peter 3:9

Why is God seemingly slow to fulfill those hopes, dreams and promises in our lives? 

Because he is PATIENT WITH YOU!!

There is something that YOU NEED.  That cannot be appropriately accomplished by rushing to the end of the journey.  God isn't asking you to please be patient with His apparent slowness.  He is gracefully extending the journey to give you what you need the most. 

What is actually at the heart of all your pleas and felt needs is this:  To be saved and to know God as Father, Savior and King.  And when that primary goal has been accomplished then He keeps the journey going so that you dive deeper and deeper into what it means to know and be known by the God who made you and bought you with the blood of His own Son.

The waiting can be painful, but God has never failed us yet. 

God is ever true to His promises- I Corinthians 1:9

If the journey from Ohio to the beach was only 30 minutes what would we find.  No sunshine and no beach.  To have that warm beach vacation in deep and dark February requires many long(and painful sometimes) hours.  But it is worth it.

As we wait on God, instead of asking are we there yet, be grateful that God loves you enough to keep your journey going for your own sake.  Because His destination is the only destination that is worth our patience. 

When You Just Can't Please People

Have you ever been in a situation where it seems that no matter what you do you are going to be in trouble?  To be honest, sometimes it is completely on you.  When I was in high school I thought it would be a grand romantic gesture to buy my girlfriend a "diamond"(in quotations because it was so small it barely qualified as a diamond and cost less then $120) for Christmas.  My parents were, and still are, fairly wise people.  I knew that they would never accept me doing something so ill advised.  So I kept it secret from them. 

Being a good mother.....my mom "found" the receipt "accidentally" in the bottom of my underwear drawer....Seriously mom, what were you doing in there anyways...can't you just trust me???.....And my parents sat me down for a "talk".  Since they were scheming tricksters who liked letting me hang myself they asked me to share with them again what I had bought for my girlfriend.  My radar was up, but I thought I could skate through this.  So I lied.  And then...BOOM...here comes the evidence. 

At this point there was nothing I could say to protect myself.  The lying part of the event caused my parents to punish me with an assignment to write a 6 page biblically researched paper about lying and respecting your parents.  Which led to my second unwinnable situation.  I was grounded UNTIL I finished the paper.  So, the quicker I got it done, the quicker I was free.  I wrote it in one day....and it was actually quite good.  But that resulted in my parents pointing out that I would never be able to get away with turning a class assignment in late ever again......which I had a tendency to do...sometimes literally MONTHS late. 

Damned no matter what I do..... And it was totally my fault....

But there is a much more difficult place to be stuck.  When nothing you do will cause someone to respond well to you.  And you ARE NOT in the wrong.  This is a terrible place to be.  When you find yourself there it can become debilitating.  You start to make bad decisions, and even crazy ones, just in the hopes that maybe something will break this impasse.  Being consumed by worry about this persons opinion of you leads to all sorts of unhealthy choices and mindsets. 

Being a people pleaser is no way to live.

While it is to be commended when we seek to be servant hearted, that shouldn't drift into bad behaviors for the sake of serving.  Then you won't be serving anyone.... My son is a tyrant at meal times.  NOTHING we offer is good enough for him.  Should we then offer him candy?  Of course not.  I can't force feed him, but I also will not compromise truth and health just to make him "happy"


"For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, "He has a demon,".  The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, "Here is a glutton and a drunkard"--Matthew 11:18-19

People, in their sin, complained about John for one reason, and then, complained about Jesus for the opposite reason.  You just can't win with some people.  The problem wasn't John's ministry or Jesus's message.  The problem was sinful hearts.  No matter how graceful, loving and miraculous either man could be in their midst, they had already decided in their hearts to be opposed to them. 

So how do we handle it?

By not handling it....

Jesus goes on to say, "Wisdom is proved right by her actions".  The context leads us to understand that the wise choice in the midst of the complaints is to do what is right.  Not because someone will respond well to it, but, BECAUSE it is right.  If someone still wants to be mad at you, that's on them.  At the heart of someone's dissatisfaction with you is often the reality of sin.  Root yourself, not in their opinions and reactions, but instead on the Word of God. 

So how do you respond to someone who treats you like that?  Love and patience!  You can't change them by what you do, you just have to love them.  The ministry of Jesus and the Gospel is not about "proving" it is right so that people get over themselves and their complaints.  It is about changed hearts through the work of the Holy Spirit.  And, unless I am gravely mistaken, you are not the Holy Spirit.  Do what is right, speak what is true, serve them as Christ served you.  And let the chips fall where they may.

 

Don't Rush Things

Matthew 9:14
How is it we and he Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?

Waiting for your kids to grow up can be paaaaiiinnnnfulll.  There are so many things that having kids under the age of...30....make difficult.  We can't leave them alone so we can go out.  They don't clean up well(or at all).  Dinner is a constant struggle and most of ends up in places we have to later clean.  Sometimes it gets so frustrating that I lose my cool and tell my son to stop acting like a baby.  Which, as a four year old, he finds very offensive.  But it doesn't cause him to change his behavior.

So we just wait.

And, at the end of the day it is worth it.  While there are moments I wish I could snap my fingers and they would grow up...for just an evening...I want to enjoy and celebrate the process of their growth towards adulthood.  How heartbreaking would it be to wake up one morning to see them as adults and have forgotten the journey they took to get there.

The journey of childhood is essential. How we celebrate it with them, enjoy it with them, teach them through it, is essential to them becoming the adults we dream about.  Ever know an adult who had to grow up too fast?  There is a lot of regret and heartache.  Don't rush it.

We rush our spiritual journey way too much.  And we expect others to be right where we are RIGHT NOW!  There is rarely a time we stop to revel in the moment that God currently has us in.  It is always about tomorrow, never today.  It is not that we shouldn't be, and couldn't be, moving forward, but we get our heads ahead of our feet, and inevitably fall.

When Jesus is confronted about why He is disciples aren't fasting He makes a very important point. 

It isn't time for that yet, the time will come, but not today. 

Just because John's disciples and the Pharisees are at that stage in their lives(fasting) doesn't mean Jesus' disciples are. 

From there He has this interesting little explanation.  Don't put new wine into old wineskins, and don't put unshrunken cloth on old clothes to patch.  At first, when I read that I had trouble understanding the contextual significance of these ideas.  So, I did what we always should do when in doubt, study some more.

Here is what I found:  Jesus is reinforcing the idea that putting too much on (or in) to someone before its time will break it.  Now was there time to celebrate, and when they were ready, then they would fast.

Could you imagine what would happen if I expected my four year old to act like a teenager?  And, held him accountable to his failure to live up to that?  It would be emotionally devastating for him.  Every day he knows daddy has a high expectation of him, one he can't possibly succeed in, and he knows he will be punished for his failures.  It would create a sense of unworthiness and failure that would undermine his further development.

God's grace is one that comes to you right where you are at.  There is NO expectation for you pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.  There is only the expectation to be loved. 

Now, don't go thinking this is a way of justifying no growth, of staying right where you are.  Because the powerful thing about being lavishly and undeservedly loved by God through Grace is that it will begin to change you.  Not you changing yourself.  But God changing you from the inside out.

One day you will wake up different, not because of what you did, but because of what you allowed Him to do in you. 

My kids will become adults one day.  Not because of some hoops they had to jump through.  But because it is inevitable.  My job is to keep loving them deeply so that they get there.  If I stopped taking care of them, they wouldn't live very long.  Not that they aren't great kids, but they are incapable of preparing meals, and even getting their own milk out of the fridge.  To become adults from where they are right now requires them to let me take care of them and nurture their growth.

Are you letting God nurture your growth?

Are you letting God nurture the growth in others?

Be patient with yourself.  Be patient with others.  Loving them, and sharing truth with them, and giving them what they need when they need it will be the process through which we see them grow and change.  You won't help someone grow and change by telling them to buck up and try harder.

There is no reason to grow up too fast

Why I Judge People, and Good Christians Should Too!!

Matthew 7:1
"Do not Judge, or you too will be judged"

I looooooovvvveeee Judging people.  It is an essential part of my day.  Without it, I don't think I would be a very good parent, husband, pastor, or, pseudo-famous blogger(tens of readers daily).

One quick example of how much I love judging people;

So my son got really mad at his little sister yesterday.  She apparently was sitting too close to him on the couch.  She has a lot of nerve!!!  So, in classic big brother fashion, he hit her and pushed her off the couch. 

In the back of my head I heard that very important refrain playing on a loop, "do not judge, do not judge do not judge!!!"  But, luckily, I ignored it.  I took my son to his room, gave him a stern talking, gave him a swat on the bottom(yes, we are those parents), gave him a hug, and left him in his room for a long timeout.

You know what he has been doing recently when his sister is "bothering" him?  He gets up and goes to another room.  No more hitting(mostly). 

Do you know how idiotic it sounds when people quote this passage whenever they are trying to call out a Christian for "judging".  On a scale of 1 to super stupid, it is massively idiotic.

One thing we are really good at(in my judgment) in todays culture is proof texting snippets of scripture to bash people with.  Especially when that person is in some way speaking about Biblical convictions and Truths.

So here is where Jesus goes with the whole "don't judge" statement;

When you judge(verse 2---He is assuming you do judge), judge in the way you want to be judged.  Meaning, when you get rightfully called out on something, do you want to be smacked around, or shown grace and patience?  The measure you use for others will be the measure  you will experience. 

Right off the bat Jesus is working in the context of the daily reality of judgment.  We HAVE to use it.  You can't do much of anything in life without utilizing wise judgment.  How else are you able to tell your kid that it is wrong to hit his sister?  And as Jesus addresses this He flips the typical way we judge on its ear.

See, we love to be self-righteous and really give it to people when we catch them being wrong.  Guess what a second assumption he makes is?  You need to be judged at times as well.  Give grace when you deal with other peoples sins, and, get grace when your sins are exposed.

One of Jonathan Edwards life resolutions was to..."Act in word and deed as if nobody had been so vile as I, to live as if I had committed the same sins, or, had the same infirmities or failings as others, to confess my own sins and miser to God when I am prone to look on shame at others"

 

Jesus calls us to live in such a way as to give grace for others failings in the same measure that we are desperate to experience in the midst of our own.

 

This passage DOES NOT say, "YOU CANNOT EVER EVER EVER JUDGE".

 

Later on, Jesus adds a bit more to the process of judging others.  In verse 5 He tells us to remove our beam.  Why?  So we can remove our brothers speck. 

 

Again, Jesus is speaking in the context of His disciples actively judging sin.  And on top of being graceful about it, He teaches that unless we are willing to deal with(repent) of our own sins, we can't possibly help our brothers and sisters with theirs.

 

The comedian Kevin James once said, "Nothing is worse than receiving weight loss advice from someone FATTER than you!"  Nothing is worse than hearing judgment from an unrepentant hypocrite. 

 

Where does this leave us?

 

1)  Christians SHOULD judge and speak clearly about sin.

2)  Jesus is pretty clear, you better do it in such a way that it is dripping with Grace, patience and love.

3)  Deal with your own heart, be honest, be willing to repent of your own sins as you lovingly address your brothers.

 

Next time someone tells you that Christians shouldn't judge....Tell them they have no clue what they are talking about and read Matthew 7:1-5 with them.  Do it with love, do it with honesty.