We can laugh at kids and their stubborn insistence in pretending that it isn't really their own choices causing their problems. But adults are actually even worse at this behavior. My grandfather was a life long smoker and whenever he would go to a doctor with a health complaint they would bring up his smoking as the most likely culprit...so he would find a new doctor.
Our lives our full of self-imposed pain and suffering. But we never want to look in the mirror and wrestle with the reality that the source of our discomfort is deeply rooted in what is inside of us and not what is outside of us. There is this tendency our culture loves to promote that while on one hand we should be autonomous agents of our own destiny, we apparently cannot exercise any personal agency when we are facing difficulties that are the natural consequences of our "freedom"..
A pernicious and common mythology that our modern era loves to throw around is that self-love is the key ingredient to finally being happy. But self-love is nothing more than the dressed up and socially acceptable version of narcissism. I don't mean you should go around hating yourself and beating yourself up. But the popular concept of self-love and self-"acceptance" is deeply coloured by the idea that what is limiting you and your happiness is not that you are selfish and destructive, but instead that you haven't repeated the mantra "I'm special" enough.
As long as we persist in the lie that I, all on my own, am good enough. I will forever find myself surprised by the degree to which my issues remain.
Scripture is very clear. You and I are not made for our own self-centered selves. We are made to know and be known by God. The fullness of who we truly are is only found in the context of a relationship with our creator. He who knit us in our mothers wombs knows what it is we need to fix that which ails us.
And what ails us is our distance from God. A distance that is self-imposed as we spend more time worshipping at the altar of self-love instead of the altar of Christ love.
Luckily God has given us a straight forward guide to addressing the distance we feel and we see it laid out with clarity in James 4.
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.- James 4:7-10
In an attempt to make this helpful I am going to just quickly break it down with its application:
Submit Yourself To God - The very start of all of this is that you have a heart position that says, "not my ways but yours". If you are unwilling to go where God is going to call you. Unwilling to be obedient in an area that is hard. Then you might as well give up because you are going nowhere.
Resist the devil - Are you fighting against sin in your life? Not that you are sinless, but are you continually fighting against sin?? Your closeness to God is going to have a powerful interconnectivity to your fighting sin. God is Holy. Sin and God do not co-exist. If you have made peace with your sin and either are no longer resisting, or, even embracing and celebrating it, do not expect closeness to God. It is impossible.
Come near to God and He will come near to you - In the middle of this passage is a promise. Not a maybe. A promise. If you are truly seeking after God He WILL come close. Even when you stumble and do not get as far as you want. If you are trying, He is there.
Wash your hands - Here is a simple, yet challenging statement. What does it mean to wash your hands? To reveal and have it cleaned. You can't clean your hands hidden in your pockets. You need to expose them. You aren't dealing with sin if you are hiding it. Expose it to the light. This is confession and repentance. If you aren't confessing your sins, know that they will not get out of your way as you try to get closer to God
Grieve, mourn and wail - If distance from God, if sin, do not grieve you, I promise you that your heart doesn't actually desire to get close to God. Until your distance from God grieves you the motivation will be lacking
Humble yourself - And finally, in summation. Be humble. This means, it's not about you. It's about God. It's not about what you want. It's not about what you can get, its not about your ideas and plans. It's all about God. God alone.
So friends. Get off the endless hamster wheel of self-improvement narcissism as you attempt to finally fix that brokenness you can't ignore when the night creeps in and the noise of a distracted life fades away. You have a true condition that lies at the root of all your problems. The answer isn't finding more affirmation, but more worship and obedience to your creator. And when you love Christ above all, you will know you are loved beyond imagination. Because only He who died for you can love you in the way your broken heart desperately wishes for.
