A Healthy Marriage

Of all the things I know, the one I am most certain of is that I know very little.  An old cliché is that teenagers think they know everything and what the are most certain of is that their parents know very little.  But then, as the years rolls on, they discover how little they know and how much they want their parents advice.  The unstated assumption in this cliché is that from our matured adult perspective we recognize how little we knew as children.....but how much we know now. 

This is completely wrong.

When I was young I assumed that all adults had it together.  Life made sense for them, they had all the answers, and they were "grown up".  Today I realize that adults have the same blinders and make the same mistakes that they did as children, we just do it with more wrinkles and facial hair.  Buying into the mistaken perspective that where you are right now means that you have finally "arrived" turns off our brains, negatively impacts our empathy, and shrinks us into self-assured navel gazers. 

The belief in our own "completed" knowledge base is the fertile soil for becoming a self-centered person.  We mistakenly believe that what we believe to be true about ourselves and others is completely true.  And when someone does not live up to the static perspective we have adopted, we find ourselves in conflict. 

You see, knowledge without humility is the impetus to disconnecting our hearts from the human frailty of relationship.  When we become self-assured in our own perspective of "rightness" another person's inability, or, struggle, to meet our standard develops resentment and frustration. 

No where does this become more apparent than within the context of our marriages.  And the world has lied to us about what a marriage is, and so we are set up to fail from the start. 

The primary, and most destructive, lie about marriage is the story about "romantic" love.  You meet the "one", they give you butterflies, you can't stand the thought of spending even one minute apart.  And based on this, marriage is the end game.  When we are told that marriage is about love, what they mean is "romantic love". 

But here is the thing about romantic love.  Experiencing romantic love is a reflection of YOUR sensibilities.  It is based upon your current preferences and standards.  And these things are ever changing.  Not to mention that what is sweet and charming about someone who you see once every few days loses that allure when you see them EVERYYYYYY day. 

Romantic love, when you boil it down, is about what is being done for you.  There is a static standard you have created for yourself that you expect to be met.  While you may recognize that a child has to grow up and change and mature, we believe that we have arrived at whatever intellectual and emotional maturity destination that being an adult encompasses.  So therefore, we are done growing, and that other person better make the effort to meet us where we are at. 

In Ephesians 4:2, we are encouraged to, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love". 

Let me break that down.  The final word, "love", is the Greek word, "agape".  Which IS NOT romantic.  It is a giving love.  A God centered love that seeks the good for others first to the point of being sacrificial.  And this word is the foundation, what the other actions are rooted in, for the rest of the verse. 

So you SACRIFICIALLY are to be HUMBLE and gentle and patient.  While this passage is written to the general Christian population, it is a foundational truth that God calls us all to as the blueprint to guide our relationships. 

To sacrificially act in humility to your spouse means to;

1- Put them first, EVEN as it costs you something

2- Have an attitude of teachability that never wanes, no matter how much you have grown.  Because humility is a willingness to say, "I still have a lot to learn"

Every day we must come to our spouse with a humble heart that says, "I have so much more to learn about you, what I know today is going to be laughably small in comparison to what I shall know by tomorrow." 

Just like we realized that we just didn't know what we thought we knew when we were teenagers, a healthy marriage is found when two people have the self-awareness to say that they can never think they have arrived.

If you want a healthy marriage, start accepting that you know very little.  Become a student of your spouse.  Be empathetic to their short comings and mistakes, because you need them to be the same for you.  And we need to HUMBLY accept our own limitations as we extend that grace to our spouse. 
 

 

I just know you were more likely to read this because of his picture.....

Who's Your Daddy?

I have a confession.  A struggle.  A great shame.  I am my father's son.  I talk just like him, I walk like him, I look like him(but obviously a much handsomer version).  The way I process information and respond is a carbon copy of my dad.  There is virtually no way I could convince anyone who knows both of us that I am not his son. 

Now, I am just kidding.  I think my dad is great and I look up to him in so many ways.  One of my greatest disappointments as a child was when I discovered that my dad couldn't be President(he wasn't born here).  All the problems we have would have been easily solved by my dad! 

In part, a lot of the ways I am similar to my dad are genetic.  I didn't choose to have such masculine and attractive facial hair.  But in many ways our similarities were born not out of genetics, but love and respect for my dad.  He was my model in so many ways.  And consciously and subconsciously I mimicked what I observed because I valued him and wanted him to be pleased with me.

Our lives become living reflections of what we value and love.  There is no hiding what is important to you.  It is literally written all over your "face".  If you were to say you place the highest value on "this" but act in ways directly contradictory to those ways....then you don't really mean it.  No one would ever say that I think running long distances is important.....I clearly don't look like I run long distances...and...I never actually run.....No matter what I might say about the matter does not change the reality.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus has been laying out a very clear challenge to the Jewish leaders who have become enamored with their own self-righteous behavior.  As chapter 8 is wrapping up I think the most important practical application is presented. 

"If God WERE your father, you would love me"- John 8:42

He does not say, "If God were your father, you would DO something".  He makes the central point that love for God and Jesus is the driving force behind our kinship with Christ. Earlier in the passage he does start by saying that if they were really his disciples they would follow his teaching.  But lest we confuse the issue, and the order of importance, he clarifies that it is LOVE for God that drives behavior. 

To be very clear, he says FIRST--Truly being his disciple......LEADS to SECOND---Following his teaching.

Acting a certain way does not MAKE you a disciple of Christ and a child of God.  Loving God is what makes us a child of God....AND that love changes how we act. 

When we reverse the process we do not create beloved children, but whitewashed tombs. 

There are so many ways that I am like my dad.  And most of them just happened as a natural response to my love for him.  I didn't say as a five year old, "I need to WALK and TALK this way SO that daddy loves me".  BECAUSE I love my daddy I desired to do so.

So what do we need to ask ourselves?  When we look at our lives, our behaviors, etc, do they reflect plainly how deeply we love the Son?  Or, do they reflect how much we love ourselves, and, this world?  Love as a motivator needs not be given a list of do's and don'ts.  But when they aren't a natural outpouring of who we are....we have to look deeply at our hearts. 

Sometimes it is good for a dad to copy a son..... I am pretty sure if my dad understood computers he would do stuff like this to me as well.....

How Do We Love

“Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”
― C.S. Lewis

The modern definition of love is most often used in the context of feelings that you feel for someone.  If someone makes you feel good and is attractive you have all the ingredients for "love".  And if you realllllly have these strong feelings for someone, and happen to also want to have sex with them....well...it's love....let never the two be split asunder! 

Shockingly, today, we have an ever increasing number of divorces, children born out of wedlock, affairs, etc.  When "feelings" become the arbiter we have established an amorphous and unstable standard on which to base relationships and our conceptions of love. 

There is a reason that marriages often dissolve between years 5 and 10.  For most people the butterflies of fresh love have been replaced by the mundane nature of daily living coupled with the stresses of children, bills, careers, and new "attractive" people.  When we place romance as the pinnacle of the value of a relationship we will soon find ourselves without good reasons to continue.

This perspective also influences the approach we take to all relationships.  It is easy to speak with eloquence about how much you love others and what a good person you are for caring about their experiences.  But when push comes to shove we would much rather talk about our ambiguously defined feelings than make practical commitments to showing love to someone else when it doesn't translate to achieving something for ourselves. 

Instead, I challenge us to approach love as a deliberate act of the will that puts others first regardless of how we may "feel" about it.  As CS Lewis said in the opening quote choosing to act love outwardly will shape us inwardly.  I have been recently studying the book of Ruth and I think there are three lessons that we can draw out about the practical expressions of giving love to others.

-----if you haven't read, or, recently read, the Book of Ruth, read the first two chapters to get the context for what I am saying here-----

Ruth is a pagan foreigner(boo), recently widowed(boo), living with her widowed mother-in-law who, with her husband, ran from the promised land some years earlier(more boos).  For all practical purposes Ruth is person non-grata in Israel when she shows up at the field of Boaz to hopefully pick up some scraps so she doesn't starve to death.  There was nothing about her that eligible bachelor's in ancient Israel would find "attractive".  Yet, Boaz displays great love towards her.

1-  He speaks kindly with her(Ruth 2:11-12).  Boaz was a busy, respected and successful man.  He could simply have ignored her and no one would have noticed or cared.  He was under no obligation to be kind to this strange pagan foreigner.  But he goes out of his way to seek her out and speak affirming and encouraging words to her.

You and I are surrounded by people who no one would even notice if we didn't take the time to notice them.  Being a loving person is about showing love to those who you have no "reason" to love.  You can say you love your neighbor, but when is the last time you sought them out to share an encouraging word, to ask how they are doing, to pray for them?  We are not loving people if we only give kind words to those who are easy and convenient for us to be kind to.

And to be even more personal, when is the last time you also deliberately spoke with kindness and encouragement to the people in your life?  Like your spouse?  If you only say, "I love you" when you want something....how loving is that?

2-  He shares his life(and a meal) with her(Ruth 2:14).  Boaz doesn't just say something nice and then goes about ignoring her.  He invites her to sit with him, to eat with him, to show real care for her.

Speaking kind words is important, but, they are also easy.  Who do you need to go out of your way to show practically in a real and tangible way that you love them?  Don't say, "I love you....but please don't spend any time with me"

3-  Boaz goes above and beyond and makes a personal sacrifice to help her(Ruth 2:15-16).  Instead of just the bare minimum of letting Ruth have whatever scraps are left, Boaz provides for her from his own personal harvest!

Love, real love, leads to sacrifice.  If you want to practically put love into practice, are you willing to cost yourself something in the process? 


Do you want to truly love people?  Stop feeling stuff about them and start giving of yourself for them regardless of how you feel.  Because just doing stuff for people you "like" is easy and not really very loving at all.

Still a better love story than Twilight

You Don't Really Love People

Are you a kind, loving, friendly and welcoming person?  Who would honestly say "no"?  In general we like to think highly of ourselves.  In all honesty it would be pretty debilitating to walk around thinking poorly of yourself.  It's a natural survival mechanism that we utilize to view ourselves in a mostly positive light. 

Guess what?  You need to stop thinking so positively about yourself. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean start beating yourself up about the things you do.  But the reality is we too often refuse to look at ourselves realistically.  And when we refuse to do, we stop growing as a person. 

I knew a guy who thought he was a great writer(he wasn't).  He even wrote a series of books he wanted to get published.  No one would touch him with a ten foot pole.  Did he start taking classes, join peer review groups, start editing and re-working his manuscripts?  Nope.  In his mind they were perfect exactly the way they were.  Everyone else was just an idiot.....

The biggest barrier to being truly loving and caring people is the belief that we already are.  If that's true, why are so many people lonely, sad, hurting and broken? 

People are hurting because we evaluate how loving we are through the lens of the people who are easy for us to love.  Let me say this very clearly, if the only people who think you are friendly and caring are the people you like....well......you aren't that friendly and loving. 

In Matthew chapter 5 Jesus says,

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."


Let that sink in......

Who in your life is it not natural and easy to love and treat with kindness?  Who is a challenge to reach out to and invite into your house to share life with? 

Unless you are showing ACTIVE love to them you are just doing that which is easiest for you.  And that isn't love at all.

 

Proof is in the Pudding

CS Lewis wrote that for us to say we love our neighbor, but then to avoid them, is not love at all.  If we are to truly love our neighbor, we are to act in accordance to what love is.  Active, engaged, sacrificial.  He goes on to say that when we begin to discipline ourselves to behaving AS IF we loved them, we will soon discover that we have truly come to love them.

Lip service is what we are most comfortable offering to people.  What we are most comfortable offering to God.  Telling your spouse, "I Love you" is easy.

But the words do not make it true

Affirming with words all the truths of Christianity is easy.

But it doesn't make you a Christian.

There is a funny little truth about the way we are wired.  Actions drive our feelings.  Feelings rarely create consistent action.  When the butterflies of new love wear off, we are left with nothing but the decision to either, by an act of the will, continue to live in love, or, to not. 

When we wait until we "feel" like something to do something, those feelings and those actions become ever more spaced apart.  Consistently applying the will to act in accordance with the behaviors we know to be true and right, develops the feelings and allows them to grow over time.

This does not mean "resigning" oneself to misery and obligation.  A willful act of love is actively aligning your heart with you behavior.  Begrudgingly forcing something grows resentment.  Engaging the whole self towards acts of love changes us from the inside out. 

Christian's are not called to have feelings about God.  But to live in accordance to the truth about God.  Life is messy.  It can be tragic, and broken.  There are times when our pain and frustration will cause us to say, "No more, not today, I can't do it." 

These are the most important times for our internal(and eternal) development.  When the deck is stacked against us, how do we respond? 

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a broken spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him from them all."

- Psalm 34:18-19

 

I bet you missed something when you read that. 

 

It doesn't say WHEN deliverance will come.  The act of Christian faith is to not to always have the answers RIGHT NOW, or, to have an easy care-free life, but to be rooted in the hope we have in the promise that is found in the Cross. 

 

And that takes a daily act of the will. 

 

Our hope cannot be based upon some previous feelings of bliss and heart racing palpitations of early love.  Because those things fade.  And if that is all you hoped in, you will be crushed when difficulties arise. Instead, in the person of Christ we have a promise that doesn't erase the struggle today, but points to the hope of every tomorrow.  When we begin to be shaped by this, it changes our behaviors today. 

 

Let me challenge us in two ways....

 

1- Are you waiting to feel good about God before you hope in God?  That will get you no where.  Make a decision to actively seek Him even when it is not easy, and you will find your hope. 

 

2-  This is about us as people living with people as well.  What relationships are you struggling in right now.  Can you begin to stop trying to change how you feel, but change how you act?  Your relationship doesn't need jump started feelings, but a new way of loving.

 

 

How Much Beating my Kids is Too Much?

There is nothing more important to do as a parent than loving your kids.  The things you do for them, whether buying them toys, teaching them to read, feeding them, etc, are all nothing more than generic utilitarian practices when they are not rooted and shaped by a deep and abiding love. 

But don't forget that beatings are essential as well.  Not just beatings for punishment, but beatings for the pure sake of the importance of teaching kids that you are in charge.  Nothing helps a child develop a healthy sense of authority than using your superior strength to push them around.  In our house we actually schedule beatings by the clock.  10am....everyone line up for their beating....2pm...same thing.

If you haven't called child service yet, thanks for trusting in my unrelenting sarcasm.....

No matter how much you think you are loving your kids, throwing in a few random beatings(even if you think they are justified) has an odd way of derailing your whole showing them love philosophy.  Beating your kids and loving your kids are really just not able to be mutually practiced. 

Sadly we often practice a Christianity like this.  God loves you, but can't wait to beat you!  There He is, the cosmic score keeper, waiting for his chance to drop the hammer on you.  We create endless rules and regulations that we use to justify our behavior towards others and to create a sense of moral superiority to those who don't live up to our standards.  This develops an exhausting and painful Christianity that constantly tears down, but never builds up.

No matter how many times I say, "I love you son", it will not mitigate the beatings he receives.  Either he will develop an unhealthy concept of love that he will one day give to others(becoming a beater of children himself), or, he will become so destroyed by this experience that he will never fully function as a healthy adult. 

When we say, "God loves you", but then follow it up with telling someone how unlovable they are, we are creating either a fearful and beat up Christian, or, create not a Christian at all.

In Matthew 16:5-12 Jesus warns His disciples about the yeast of the Pharisees.  Just a little bit of their influence can destroy anything else that is good that you may be trying to do.  And what were the Pharisees all about?  Rules, rules and more rules.  And their "superior" ability to follow the rules made them prideful in themselves and abusive towards those who didn't live up to them.

Jesus is quite clear, and the New Testament reaffirms, that the abuses of legalism are incongruent with following Jesus.  The message of Christ is that while we were still sinners, He died for us!  It doesn't say, "You were pretty bad, but you got your act together and Jesus was like, ok, I can do this for you now".  The radical nature of the Gospel is that God offers us not a list of rules to exhaustingly follow, but, instead to experience a love that transforms us.

Does this mean there is no place for rules?  Anything goes?  Of course not.  I don't beat my kids up, but I also don't let them act inappropriately.  While the Pharisee would want to beat up their kid who messes up, Jesus picks them up, out of their mess and says, "I love you, let me help you" 

The Law of God is still valid, but how we apply it and how we practice it needs to radically change.  The Law is not a hurdle that we must leap to justify ourselves, but a mountain that we can be carried over.  In Love. 

The other day my son said something rude to an employee at Walmart.  As we were leaving she said, "Have a nice day!"  To which he responded "Nah nah nah nah"(said as snottily as possible).  I stopped in my tracks and explained to him that it was unacceptable and that he had to say he was sorry.  He refused.  After profusely apologizing for my sons behavior I had to leave(my ice cream was melting). When we got home I had a long talk with my son about how hurtful and rude it was and how sad I was that he would do that.  He didn't have much to say at that time....but the next day the miracle occurred. 

During breakfast he stopped eating and looked at me, "Dad, are you still sad about what I said to that worker yesterday?  Because I am too, I am sorry that I did that, I won't do it again."

Only four years old and his little heart was learning to break over what his father's heart broke over.  Not because I beat him, not because I yelled at him, but because I loved him and showed him in my words how much I cared about the person he "hurt".  When we are loved deeply and experience that love consistently, it shapes our heart towards the agent of that love. 

That is Christ in us and for us.  His heart breaks over our sin, BECAUSE he loves us.  And His love for us shapes us towards loving what He loves.

Where is the yeast of the Pharisees in your life? 

Election vs Free Will

Do you like arguing about theology?  Oh, wait, I forgot you are a 21st century western civilization Christian.  You LOOOOVVVVEEEE to argue about theology....and doctrine....and church practices.....and pretty much everything else.

What gets people more heated than anything?  Election vs Free Will debates.  AKA, Calvinism vs Arminianism.

For those who have been lucky enough to have avoided knowing too much about this SUPER ESSENTIAL argument.  Let me briefly sum up the two positions.  But with the qualifier that I am in no way intending what I am about to write to in anyway be a completely exhaustive(or perhaps even fair) summation of either position.

Arminianism/Free Will:

Every person has to make the choice for Jesus.  No choice is also considered a "no" for Jesus choice.  No one is bound for evil, or, bound for good.  We are free will moral agents responsible before God for the choices we make.

If I was a competent blogger I would list a number of bible verses here that support this position.....

Calvinism/Election:

God Himself "elects"(chooses) who is to be saved and who is not to be saved.  This places a high value on God's absolute sovereignty and is hyper focused on our utter sinfulness and inability to do anything to "earn" salvation.  If you are God's elect, you WILL be saved BECAUSE of HIS work, if you are not, you will NOT be saved.

Ditto on the competent blogger post...blah blah blah, bible verses.


Where we Go Wrong

Are you able to know whether or not you are elect?  Probably not.  You know what is inarguable?  Jesus Christ came as fully God and fully man to die in the place of sinful man and to rise again and that through him(regardless of your view on elect/free will) and only him we can be saved.

The mechanism by which this actually works is a bit challenging to work out.  Not that lofty and challenging theological introspection is without value.  But here is the problem, the bible is pretty liberal at mentioning both.  It mentions constantly our responsibility to claim with our lips the Jesus is Lord, AND, it talks about God's elect. 

But, regardless of the actual details of the mechanism, both positions are clear.  It is only through Jesus that it happens. 

How did Jesus deal with the issue of election?

Let's take a look at an interesting exchange in Matthew 15

²¹ Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. ²² A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”
²³ Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
²⁴ He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
²⁵ The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
²⁶ He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
²⁷ “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
²⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.


Jesus appears to be a bit of a jerk here.  This woman is making quite a scene begging for help, yet he ignores her.  When pressed to respond to her he replies, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel"

Did you catch that?  Jesus had a specific, pre-ordained, ministry goal....shades of Election perhaps??

But this non-elect woman does not stop.  She comes right up to him, kneels before him and calls him Lord.  And Jesus heals her daughter just as if she had been one of the "Elect". 

Jesus was there for a specific people.  God had elected to send him there for them.  But when a non-elect person, by faith, comes to Christ crying "Lord Lord" Jesus commends her for her faith and in no small way shows great love and mercy to her.  In a way, her position transforms from non-elect to elect. 

I cannot deny that the bible speaks with clarity about God's elect.  Yet, here is a beautiful picture of our Savior reaching across that divide to one who was not elected. 

In practice and theology I lean much closer to Reformed and Calvinist theology.  But this is how I personally read scripture regarding this issue.  I do not believe that Election is a mutually exclusive position.  Meaning, ONLY those who are elect will be saved.  Scripture, as I read it, shows that the Elect WILL be saved, but when, by faith and calling upon the name of the Risen Savior, the non-elect come to the feet of Jesus, they will also be saved.

So how do we take this bit of theology and apply it to our lives.  Well, you don't know if you are elect, and neither do I.  But what I do know is that I have a responsibility to respond to the call of the Cross.  And the message of the Gospel is a responsibility that all followers of Christ are called to share. 

When we get lost in debating the nuances of the mechanisms by which God does what He does, we avoid the personal responsibility that we do have.  So let us cut down the rhetoric and start proclaiming that the Cross of Christ is the only hope for ALL men!

Jesus Loves You, But Not in the Way You Want

I really like my kids just the way they are.  I wouldn't want them to be anyone else.  Even their bad behavior is uniquely them, and, in its own way, precious to me.  The other day my son was mad at me and said he didn't want to live with me anymore.  When I asked where he would go he told me he was moving to Hawaii.  But he wasn't going to do that until he was grown up.  BUT once he was there I wasn't allowed to live with him, but I could visit at Christmas.  So, as punishment, my son was promising to move out when he was an adult(yayyyyy!!!), move to Hawaii(double yayyyy), and, let me visit for holidays(yippeeee). 

Precious.

My kids are unique, precious and loved by me just the way they are.  But they better not stay this way.  I refuse to be changing diapers for my daughter before she goes of to college.  I will lose it if my future 20 year old son pushes away his dinner plate and yells at his mother that her food is Guhstusting.  I love them right now, just the way they are, and I am working every day to see them grow and change. 

In the Gospel of John, chapter 12, we have the "Triumphant Entry" by Jesus into Jerusalem.  The whole town comes out to see the miracle warrior, the messiah!  Even Christ's enemies feel overwhelmed by his support with the masses and are at a loss of how to deal with it.  But a few days later these same crowds cry for his crucifixion. 

What happened?

Jesus didn't go along with their plans for themselves. 

For hundreds of years the Jewish people had not been a free nation.  Always a vassal state, never a State.  People like Herod were appointed as their local "kings" and their benevolent rulers taxed the daylights out of them.  This is not what the people wanted.  This is not who they believed themselves to be.  They were the children of the Abrahamic covenant.  Not a bunch of oppressed minorities. 

In the century leading up to Jesus' arrival there had been a number of self-proclaimed messiahs.  They would lead somewhat successful rebellions against the powers that be after gathering a large group of "believers/supporters".  It was easy to start a rebellion with the Jewish people.  They were nationalistic, jingoistic and fairly racist.  They had decided that their identity as God's chosen people meant that they were supposed to be the dominant nation and they should crush their enemies.  While they had spent a few hundred years with the short end of the stick, they were waiting for the day when the true messiah would come to them and throw off the shackles of their oppressors.

They, and only they, were righteous and good.  And all things from God were about them.  Their vision of the future is that they did everything right and they wanted God to come to them and make it easier for them to bask in their own greatness as His people.  There was no sense of maybe they had misunderstood the ultimate goal of the Abrahamic covenant, or, its eternal purpose.  It was all about them and only them. 

Jesus was the next great hope for realizing this goal.  He was going to come in and beat up those Romans and establish the Davidic line for all time.  What did Jesus do?  Rode in on a donkey, didn't start a revolution with the thousands canting for him, and peacefully allowed them to lead him off to his execution.  Jesus didn't play their game the way they wanted to play it.  And they hated him for it.

You and I are like this in so many ways.  We like our lives just the way they are.  We want to think, feel and behave just the way we always have.  And if someone challenges us they are intolerant, mean, jerks, etc.  And we want a Jesus who not only complies with this vision of ourselves, but we want Him to help bring it to pass.  The lie we believe is that we are basically just fine exactly as we are, we just need to spice the recipe up with a decent dose of Jesusness. 

Jesus comes in and says, "I love you just the way you are in this moment, but it is not the way you should be, and not the way that, with me, you can be".  We hate that.  Who does he think he is questioning my actions, my beliefs, my lifestyle?

Who does He think He is?......God

My kids are great and I love them in this very moment more than I thought it was possible to love someone.  But I love them too much to be the dad they demand that I be sometimes.  They will not eat candy for every meal.  They will not skip bed time and brushing their teeth.  They can't watch Breaking Bad before they are at least....I don't know....7... ?  Is that a good age for that...?

Are you ready to be loved in a real and life changing way?  Stop demanding that God love you on your terms.  Experience being loved on the terms of the only person who is actually capable of loving perfectly.  Mostly since He IS love.  And guess what, you are going to find out that a lot of what you want for yourself and want Him to do is going to not be what you get.....BECAUSE He does love you.

I've always been confused.  Since His head apparently was always glowing, how come they didn't know who he was???

Theology Vs. Love

This post is borrowing elements and insights from John Pipers book, "Think:  The Life of the Mind and the Love of God"(specifically chapters 5-7).  It is a good and challenging read that I encourage anyone to pick up for themselves.

Matthew 22:36-40
³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^{[a] 38} This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^{[b] 40} All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

If the blogs are to be believed there is a great war within Christendom about the heart and future of the Church.  Heated exchanges between multiple camps draw distinct lines that say, "If you do not agree with this, you are out!"  Every public utterance has a response.  Each response receives a response.  And each response to a response receives a.....response. 

For most Christians who are not well versed in Scripture and Theology they are left to throw up their hands and say, "What about love?"  And even more difficult to understand is the perception of the damage to the Church's witness all the infighting seems to create. 

So, what do we do?  Do we step out of the debates and focus on Love?  Do we create new coalitions and draw bolder lines that all who step outside are no longer a part of the Church proper? 

Let me contend with you.  To avoid important theological debates is diametrically opposed to Love, AND, it may be important to draw more distinct lines of what it means to be a Christian.  And, to not do so is to bastardize beyond recognition the whole concept of Love.

Perhaps you find this confusing or offensive.  The whole idea that "dry and sterile" theological debate is a primary source for proper love is difficult for you to swallow.  Is not Jesus' greatest command to Love God and Love your Neighbor?  How do theological debates fit into that framework?

It fits perfectly.

How can you actually love someone when you do not know anything true about them?  You might love the "concept" or the "idea" about them, but you do not love THEM.  If my wife would ask me, "Why do you love me?"  It would be hurtful and ridiculous if I began to describe things that I love about her that are the actual opposite of who she is.  If I would tell her that one of the things I love about her is her dark straight hair, she would probably wonder what woman I was really describing because she is a natural curly headed blonde!  Or, what if I described the color of her eyes wrong, or had no actual idea what her favorite book/movie/date etc are?  Each wildly incorrect statement would be a dagger to her heart because it would tell her that I haven't really taken the time to actually know her and love her for her.

How can we love God, and love others, if we do not know what is true about them? Or, if we deny that which is true about them and only love them in the way WE want them to be?   The heart of sin starts in the garden with, "Did God REALLY say that?"  And from there we begin to craft God after our own image, instead of being shaped into His. 

So what about the greatest commandment?  It says its all about Love, right?  Well, yes and no.  Yes, because Loving God is at the heart of repentance and redemption.  No, because we do what I just described, love on our own terms, not His.  Which is no real love at all.

To understand this passage when it comes to loving our neighbors we cannot miss an important point.  The second command is LIKE the first.  Not the same as.  Not a perfect copy.  But like.  The way it is constructed is that it indicates that loving your neighbor is an outflow of the first commandment.  When you fulfill the first, you will be able to fulfill the second.  Conversely, if you do not fulfill the first, you cannot fulfill the second.

The first commandment is very important to grasp in its entirety as well.  It says to love the Lord your God with all of your Heart, Mind and Strength.  But what we miss in the English is the Greek verb usage in this passage.  The primary outflow of love is FROM our Heart.  The mechanism's by which we love in our heart is our Mind, AND we are to do so with great vigor(strength).  Meaning, to love God with all of our heart REQUIRES the work of the mind.  And to do so with commitment and dedication. 

This means that to fulfill the second command we must first love God out of an outflow of thinking truthfully and rightly about Him as a discipline of the use of our intellect.   How can we love truthfully when we desire to create our own truth and characteristics about Him and even deny those truths that He Himself has stated about Himself?

We cannot.

You do not have to agree with any position that the Bible gives.  But do not deny what the Bible says and say you are loving God.  They are intellectually diametrically opposed.  How can you say to your spouse, "I love you, as long as you are the opposite of what you really are?"

This is why, as troubling as it can be currently, the debates about Theology are essential.  To know and defend the truth about God is at the heart of Loving God, and therefore, Loving others.  Perhaps you disagree on some point or another, and that is ok.  Let's go to the Word and figure it out.  Because being right about Truth is of the utmost importance.  For both of us.  But let us have no more of this criticism of peoples criticism.  it is right and good to correct that which is incorrect FOR the sake of Love.

 

Fundamentally a Fundamentalist(related thoughts to World Vision's Changed Hiring Practices)

For obviously the doctrines which one finds easy are the doctrines which give Christian sanction to truths you already knew. The new truth which you do not know and which you need must, in the very nature of things, be hidden precisely in the doctrine you least like and least understand.... there will be progress in Christian knowledge only as long as we accept the challenge of the difficult or repellent doctrines. A “liberal” Christianity which considers itself free to alter the faith whenever the faith looks perplexing or repellent must be completely stagnant.
-C. S. Lewis

Being a fundamentalist is taking a beating these days.  But I will admit that I am proud to be one.  So how do I(and perhaps you) feel confident in asserting our fundamentalistism when it seems to be so maligned?

First, lets understand what it is, and, what it isn't. 

Culture has conflated two beliefs and behaviors and made them appear to be synonymous.  To illustrate, it is like they take the true statement, "All apples are fruits", and then add, "All fruits are apples".  One IS true, the other is absurdly wrong.  But, recognizing that all fruits are not indeed apples does not then disprove the preceding statement that all apples are fruits.

Practically, it looks like this;

Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist are fundamentalists AND their beliefs and behaviors are abhorrent.  Reformed Southern Baptists are fundamentalists, THEREFORE, their beliefs and behaviors are abhorrent.  The term, "fundamentalist", is used as a pejorative slander in this example.  Perhaps you can think of your own examples of how you can observe this at play today.  And I would contend that in this usage it is wildly misleading and criminally incorrect.

So what is a better understanding of fundamentalism?

Simply put, fundamentalist beliefs and behaviors are any of either that a person, or, group of people, find to be non-negotiably true.  For example, I am betting you are a fundamentalist about murder.  You have unalterable convictions about murder and are unwilling to negotiate a compromise with the opposing view point. 

If an axe murderer comes into you house you would not feel it an adequate conclusion to "come together" with the man with the axe to find a mutually beneficial ending to your impasse.  Only having your leg chopped off is not a good compromise.  You stand firmly, FUNDAMENTALLY, on the position that he not only should NOT murder you, but should leave without harming you post haste!

Man, you are such a bigot...... 

EVERYONE is a fundamentalist.  When push comes to shove, there are a number of things that you would never waver on.  Which is a good thing!  So, why do we hear so much negativity about fundamentalists?  Because we refuse to personally examine whether we are being fundamentalist enough.  As CS Lewis said, we love the truths that we already agree to, we find very difficult dealing with the truths that are revealed that challenge our beliefs and behaviors that we currently enjoy.

A set of beliefs should be evaluated upon the premises and conclusions they describe.  Not evaluated by whether or not we can categorize the concept of having different ideas in a box that we can more easily discard.  Westboro Baptist's beliefs and behaviors do not align with; 1) Scripture, or, 2) General Ethics.  We don't need to describe it short hand(fundamentalists!!!!) to prove that it is bad.  The very premise and conclusions they make are demonstrably false in a myriad of ways.  They aren't wrong because they are fundamentalists, they are wrong, because....they are wrong.

It is in vogue for parts of the Church to decry fundamentalism and celebrate a new era of love, unity and diversity.  Instead of established doctrine they adhere to an ambiguously defined concept of "love".  But try to not ask them to explicitly define Love in alignment to the testimony of scripture.....So while they pat themselves on the back about how inclusively loving they are, they malign and throw mud at the intolerant fundamentalists

Reminder:  EVERYONE is a fundamentalist.

So while that church down the road might talk all about how they aren't fundamentalists, they become hypocritical fundamentalists.  First, by a lack of willingness to compromise with those they claim are fundamentalists(meaning they themselves are fundamentalists about THEIR beliefs), and secondly, they still DO have standards which they won't break, or, allow to be broken.  For example, I bet they are fundamentalists about their belief that you can't beat up your wife.  Which I agree with obviously.  But you can't celebrate how you aren't a fundamentalist like "those" people, while you are actually quite clearly being one.

We need to stop labeling people as fundamentalists as an attempt to shut down conversation and disparage your opponent.  And, we need to stop calling them liberal/progressive in an attempt to do the same thing on the other side.  We need to engage with the actual substance.  And, as a Christian, we need to listen closely to how CS Lewis put it.  God's truth is not going to be easy to conform to in the areas that are often going to mean the most to us.  But it is by that standard that we need to evaluate the "rightness", or, the "wrongness" of a groups position.

After World Vision announced their changed hiring policies a number of prominent pastors and theologians voiced frustration with WV.  And, almost immediately, those same people were blasted as bigoted fundamentalists.  There was no substantive engagement with their biblical and theological arguments.  Just name calling and mud slinging.  Whether you agree, or, disagree with WV, we need to be willing to examine the actual substance of the argument that the people who are on the other side have made. 

We are all fundamentalists.  But we are not all correct.  Let's labor to know truth that is not about our personal preferences and comfort levels, but Objectively True according to God. 

Why my kids(and everyone else) really annoy me!!

My kids are reaallllllllyyyyy needy.  Like, insanely, obnoxiously needy.  Since their birth I cannot recall a day that they didn't impose their neediness on my otherwise idyllic personal life.  Some of the most obnoxious things I have resigned myself to enduring are; Preparing 3(THREE!!!) meals a day, daily baths, diaper changes, baths, snuggling, book reading(sometimes the same one multiple times!!), listening to their stories(which rarely are very engaging since they generally lack a purpose and plot), and lets not forget I have to put them to bed every night since they don't just walk off and get in bed promptly at 8 every evening.

You know why their neediness is so offensive to me?  Because I am insanely self-centered.  My self-centeredness does not just effect my view on my perception of my children's obnoxious neediness, it causes me to be offended by everyone's neediness.  Every time someone, uninvited, engages into my life it is an affront to my independence and plans.  Sure, I want my kids around, but only when I am the one who wants them around.  I would prefer they operate on my schedule and stop infringing upon mine. 

And that goes for everyone else as well!

I will be your friend, as long as our friendship is convenient to my needs and wants.  I will be your spouse, as long as I am feeling "spousey" at the time.  God forbid you want or need something from me when I am not actually interested in that at that exact moment.  I am the sun at the center of my universe and I prefer everyone to be oriented around me.  Spinning and moving according to the dictates of my own personal gravitational pull.

Now, why am I, and seemingly everyone else, so lonely and depressed????  It doesn't seem to make sense...I only do what I want when I want to with who I want to.  And the more and more I put myself first, the more and more I feel driven to fix my problems that seem to keep occurring by putting myself first.  Yet it never gets better.....

Selfishness is arguably the most destructive attitude and behavior that us imperfect mortals can embrace.  Why does this looking inward become so damaging?  Because at our fundamental level, we are not that great of a person in the first place.  Don't get me wrong, you are probably pretty nice and friendly.  I know I am.  But at my very core I sense a destructive nature within me.  As the apostle Paul said, "I don't do what is good, but I do what I hate". 

Be honest, think about your own life.  How many times do you know what you should do, but you do the opposite?  Everyone knows that overeating and smoking is terrible.  But we do it anyways.  Even while it is killing us we can't bring ourselves to stop behaviors, attitudes and mindsets.  Our constant struggle is that at the same time we ARE improving some areas of our internal life, we still recognize a bunch of messed up crap inside of ourselves. 

No one knows us better then we know ourselves.  And when we become more and more selfish we become more and more defined by a destructive relationship with a person who is extremely harmful; Our own self!!  What if your only friend in the whole world was angry, bitter, selfish, violent, etc, how would that effect you?  That is what selfishness creates for us.

How do we change this?  How do we move from broken selfishness to healthy wholeness?

³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. --Matthew 9

Jesus is God.  He came for a very essential purpose.  Reconciliation and redemption of sinful man with a Holy God through His death and resurrection.  He is preaching about repentance and the Kingdom and what is the response of the crowds??  Help me, fix me, do this for me, make my runny nose stop running!!!!

How would I generally respond?  Seriously folks, this is quite inconvenient to my goals right now....

How does Jesus respond?  Compassion.

Their needs and hurts were not viewed as an inconvenience to Jesus, but instead the outward manifestation of their internal pain and loneliness.  Instead of thinking about Himself, He thought about them.  And He loved them. 

When I find myself frustrated with people in my life for their constant demands I forget that what is true about me is what is true about them.  They are harassed and helpless.  Hurting and lonely.  Sad and desperate.  While I am being selfish I am mad at them for my perception of their being selfish.  When I am angry about their neediness it is always because I want to put MY neediness before theirs. 

Why are my kids obnoxiously needy?  Because they NEED me.  They are just like me.  And just like them, I need help.  When I become bitter and resentful to their needs, I am in turn shutting off finding my own needs being met.  Living for myself only leads to a deeper and deeper problem of brokenness.  My lack of compassion for others needs creates a mindset that there is no compassion for mine. 

The process of believing that the needs of others are inconvenient and obnoxious causes us to internalize our own hurt and pain because we believe internally what we put into practice externally.  At the moment we act in love and compassion it opens us up to becoming recipients of love and compassion. 

If you are struggling with peace, contentment, satisfaction, etc.  Ask yourself, am I a selfish person?  As long as you are, those struggles will only magnify.

    

 

Why We Suffer

Are you human?  If the answer is no, how in the world are you reading this?  If you answer yes, then the reality of life is that at some point you are going to hurt, suffer, weep.  And you may be doing so currently.  But why do we suffer?

Sometimes the answer we lean on is that the world is simply cruel and indifferent.  But if we believe in God, we struggle with the whole concept of suffering.  Why me?  Why this?  Why now?  Why God, why??!!

For a broader picture on suffering it is helpful to study the history of God's chosen people, the Jews.  Outside of some brief moments of peace and prosperity they have had a whole lot of suffering.  At the end of the monarchial period the entire nation of Israel is destroyed, uprooted, and marched off into captivity.  After a number of generations pass, they are finally given the freedom to return home and rebuild, but only as a Vassal state.

The book of Malachi, the last book before the New Testament, challenges me to have a whole new view on the root of my suffering and despair.  It starts off with this accusatory tone, "Don't you really love us God?!?!"  They are just completely indignant.  Why have all these bad things happened to us?  Why are we so sad and in so much pain?  Our suffering is a clear indication that you aren't keeping up your end of the bargain!! 

God responds quite simply.  He says, I love you, don't doubt it!  But before you get all self-righteous about things, lets talk about what YOU have been up to. 

Being a parent is a frustrating job in a lot of ways.  Especially when your perfect little angel begins to accuse you of being a "bully" and a "stupid unfair baby".  Which I have been hearing a lot lately.  Why do I hear these things?  Have I been a bully and an unfair stupid baby?  No, no I have not. 

My 4 year old son does not like getting in trouble.  He absolutely detests it.  Even when he admits to his bad behavior.  Like any loving older brother, he shows his love to his 2 year old sister by; Not sharing, pushing, hitting, yelling at, etc.  All of which are unacceptable behaviors.  There is this very odd logic he employs in his self-righteousness.  His sister picked up a toy that he was not using....but happened to be "his"....and he went and took it away from her.  I proceeded to request he give it back, or get in trouble.  His response?  "You are a bully, you are being unfair!!!!"  When this continued, he was sent to his room without any toys.  Which led to more accusations of my unfair meanness. 

He accepts that what he is doing is not appropriate, but then he disconnects from his behavior when he addresses my actions(his consequences).  It is as if they are two completely unrelated events.  He wants to behave however he wants to behave, and he wants me to behave however HE wants me to behave.  And when I don't, I am the bad guy.

This is the story of Israel that God gently lays out in the book of Malachi.  Of course I love you.  But look at your obscene behavior.  Over and over again you sin and break the covenant.  But in the very middle of all of this the most important point of all is made.

Malachi 2:4
⁴ And you will know that I have sent you this warning so that my covenant with Levi may continue,” says the Lord Almighty.

At the heart of God's love and Israel's consequences is this essential truth.  Consequences exist to fix the relationship!  Why have you suffered Israel, why has God allowed it and will continue to allow it?  Because His ultimate heart is to restore the intimacy between Himself and His people. 

Why do I punish my son and give him consequences?  BECAUSE I love him.  If he grows up to be a disobedient, sister hitting, rule breaking, bad attitude adult, he and I will have, at best, a strained relationship.  My love for him is the driving force for my willingness to give him a bit of suffering.  A taste of suffering(time outs, lost privileges, a spanking or two(or 100)) now is how we eliminate greater suffering later. 

So why do you suffer?

I can't speak to every nuance of every situation that you deal with, but lets walk through a basic perspective.

God loves you.  Everything that can and does happen in your life is driven by the fact that He loves you, and that His greatest desire is not for your temporary "comfort" level, but the restoration and building of intimacy between you and Him.  If we don't start here, nothing else that follows will make sense.

The primary sources of suffering in our life are generally self-caused.  Specifically, we sin.  Not only does sin carry with it natural consequences(driving drunk could kill you and others, or, get you put in jail), but it also has spiritual consequences.  The sense of peace and blessing we experience in the context of a healthy relationship with God can, and often will be, removed. 

To make sense of "spiritual" consequences lets compare it to marriage.  If you say something mean to your spouse, they probably aren't going to leave you, but if you have ever felt the cold sting of rejection and anger you know what I am talking about.  It is an uneasy place to be when you know your spouse is frustrated with you.  That is a simple way of thinking about spiritual consequences.

God loves us so much that He will let us flounder around in these consequences of our behavior.  Not because He just loves punishing us.  But because He loves US! 

If you are suffering and hurting, you have to be honest with yourself.  Are there sins and issues in your life that you aren't dealing with?  Even if you think they are private and secret.  God loves you so much that He will let you hurt until you accept that it is time to heal.

God loves you so much, His heart is not for you to suffer.  But He loves you enough to LET you suffer so that you can come to the one place where suffering can cease. 

 

 

Who do you love like?

We should treat sin like a disease.

Like its cancer.

Yah, you heard me right.  Sin should be treated like cancer.  You know, destructive, murdering, disgusting cancer.

And we should treat people who sin like they have cancer.

We should cry with them when they are hurting.

We should hold them when they are sad.

We should be quick to offer help when they ask for it.  But don't force them to take our help, because having cancer is exhausting and painful and sometimes they need some space.

We should pray for them every day.

Our hearts should break for the pain they are going through.

We should weep with them when the medicine sometimes feels worse then the disease.

And we should also remember that cancer isn't contagious. You can't get it by spending time with them and holding their hand, or, hugging them.

 There are two distinctly diametrically opposed ways of loving people.  We can love them in the law.  Or, we can love them in Grace.

Loving people in the law looks like this:
1)  High expectations of what WE think they should be doing FOR us
2) Consequences(withholding our love, anger, punishment, bitterness) when they fail to meet our expectations.
3) Always on the look out for "mistakes"
4) Treating them differently depending on the day and/or our mood
5) What have you done for me lately attitude


Loving people in Grace looks like this:
1) High belief in who they are regardless of what they do for us
2) Actions of love(service, sacrifice, patience, caring) even when they aren't at their "best"
3) Always on the look out for reasons to encourage and praise
4) Consistent treatment and attitude towards them that has nothing to do with our mood or the day
5) What have I done for YOU lately attitude

People are treated like objects all the time.  Even when we are generally "nice" enough people, we have a tendency to often look through a lens that defines that persons value by the value we perceive they are giving us.  When that value diminishes(in our eyes) we replace them with something "better". 

We have created a list of "do's and dont's" in our interpersonal relationships by which we base our love actions towards that person.  When they hurt us, make us angry, act incorrectly...we justify our poor treatment of them because they are getting what they deserve.  They didn't live up to the "law", and now its time to pay the piper. 

What is even more terrible about this approach to love, is that we rarely ever have enough personal introspection to fairly evaluate how little we live up to the standards we apply to other people.  And, we become self-righteous because of it.  We say, "look at all that I have done to deserve you acting in a way that I want, and you aren't doing it, you are a bad person!!"  And this self-righteous attitude becomes the basis for us playing the martyr.  "Oh, look at poor little me, I am such a good son/friend/employee/spouse, and they aren't treating me like it, I deserve better!!"

How do you approach people in your life who aren't living up to expectations?  Who are in sin?  Sin in general, sin against others, sin against YOU?  Is it time to make them pay for their bad behavior?

The Pharisees were great at the law.  And they were great at viewing everyone through that lens.  They were the first to judge other people, to call for punishment, to ostracize people for not being the "right kind" of person. 

So Jesus calls them out...a lot... And He shows us a much different approach to loving others.  Grace.  Given not because of the goodness of the person receiving, but because of HIS goodness.  

Don't get me wrong.  He didn't pretend that sin didn't exist.  But he didn't treat people like they were sinners.  He treated them like someone who was hurting and needed to be loved.  Even when they weren't acting very loveable.  Why did the sick, the sinners, the hurting, come in droves to be near Jesus?  Because He was going to treat them as if they were His very own precious children.  They had lived their whole lives in the performance based approach to loving in the law.  Being told you aren't good enough over and over and over again was probably pretty exhausting.   

So what does this mean for us?

We have to be brutally honest with ourselves.  How are we loving the people in your life?  In the law?  Or, in Grace? 

A simple approach to being aware of this, and to begin to shape our hearts and actions to reflect this:

Write down the ways in which you show love towards people through words and actions.  For instance;  When I love someone, I smile at them.  When I love someone, I offer to help them.  When I love someone, I am really interested in what they have to say.  When I love someone, I put their wants/needs ahead of mine.

Perhaps you can write it all out on a notecard you keep on you at all times.  Especially if you are suspicious that you  have been a tad bit too legalistic.  And as you interact with this person, review your words and responses about what you recognize as being true signs of love.  Then, do those things instead of what you might actually feel like doing.  No matter what that person has or hasn't done that day/week/month/year.

Where this gets hard is when that person hasn't acted the best.  When they have sinned and hurt you.  But that is what Christ centered Grace is all about.  While we were still SINNERS He laid His life down for us.  So, die to self and love without condition!

Sin is like cancer.  And we need to treat sinners like cancer patients.  We don't sit around criticizing them all day long for having cancer.  We love them right where they are at.  One of the interesting things about cancer treatment and recovery is that a patients "support" network(friends and family) is so essential to success rate.  You can give all the best treatment in the world, but if that person feels alone and abandoned their chances at healing are greatly diminished.

And when you love someone who has cancer, you don't do it ONLY if they will just get well.  You love them because YOU LOVE THEM.  Its a great benefit and blessing that your love can help.

When someone in your life is sinning, not living up to expectations, hurting you, you need to stop loving them ONLY if they will get "better".  Love them because YOU LOVE THEM.  They can be given all the "help" in the world to "get better" but if they feel alone and abandoned, their chances of healing are greatly diminished.  It won't make them better, but you CAN make it worse.

Love because you have been loved.  Die to self every day and love because God is good, not because they are.

This is a true story about my life, and a good illustration of my point.....

Choosing to Love

Love has been really dragged through the mud in our modern age.  It is bent, twisted, morphed, manipulated and downright abused by a myriad of ever sifting opinions and attitudes.  Just listen to the music on the radio and what they have to say about love.  Or watch a movie or TV.  What is love all about in those arenas?  Feelings.

Don't get me wrong.  "Feeling" in love is just dandy.  There is nothing wrong about getting butterflies when you see "that" person.   But that is not "love", that is attraction.  You may contend that "attraction" is a prerequisite to love, but I disagree...mostly. 

We live in a time where we have the greatest access to luxuries and comfort.  Medicines and food.  Yet, depression and suicides are becoming an ever increasing problem.  What are we so depressed about?  I would contend that it is loneliness.  At the end of the day, we can't face our problems and our hurts, because we feel like we face them alone.

Why do we feel so alone? 

Because we have come to believe that our value and worthiness to experience love is based upon things we have to do to create that feeling in others.

I have to be pretty/handsome enough.

I have to be smart enough.

I have to be rich enough.

I have to wear the right clothes, see the right movies, drive the right car.

And we never feel like we measure up.  When we don't measure up to these arbitrary standards we feel unlovable.  We have accepted the idea that love is a feeling that we create in other people based upon things about ourselves that are deemed lovable.  When we can't engender those feelings in others, or, they stop feeling that way about us, we decide there is something irredeemably broken about us.

When love becomes an emotion driven feeling we will all become victims of experiencing people not feeling that way about us.  So what do we do?  For many people, it is jumping from experience to experience, or, relationship to relationship, to rekindle those high heady days of first attraction so that we can feel what we think is love again.  Because then we will be ok.  But, eventually, it too wears off, and we are left feeling just as bad and lonely as we did before.

Love CAN manifest itself in emotional feelings, but emotional feelings do not manifest in love.  Love, the kind of love we desperately seek and are made for, is an act of the will.  To choose to sacrifice your selfishness for the good of the person you have chosen to love.  And, as we continually discipline ourselves to that practice, we will find our emotions becoming realigned to reflect the reality of our behaviors. 

Our example and our hope is from the author of our very selves.  When God talks about love, he isn't talking about warm feelings he has for us, he is talking about the choice he has made to love us.  In Ephesians 1:14 we are told "Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes."  It doesn't say, we were pretty enough, or moral enough, or smart enough.  It says he chose us.

In Malachi we hear Israel asking God if he really loves them.  He doesn't write them some flowery poem detailing how pretty their eyes are and how his heart goes pitter patter when he sees them, he says, Of Course I love you, I chose you to be mine. 

Love is a choice we make.  An act of the will to love a person, not because of something they earn in our eyes(because that means they can also lose it), but because we have decided to commit to that choice. 

Do you want to be loved by someone who will love you as long as you are a certain way?  Or, do you want to be loved by someone who will choose to treat you selflessly in love regardless of your flaws, mistakes, and failures?  If we only seek love rooted in emotion, it will always fall apart eventually. 

That is the beauty of God's love for us, the love we are called to live in accordance to.  We are not under some obligation to earn it, or, to continue to earn it.  We are simply invited to experience being loved.

Ask yourself if in the relationships in your life(spouse, kids, friends, family) do you love like God loves, or do you love out of selfish desires of what you can get from that person. 

We want selfless love for ourselves, but don't often give it to others....

Jesus Wants To Take You Somewhere Better

Matthew 9:9
Jesus told him, "Follow Me"

There once was a man on a journey.  He was going from where he was, to where he needed to be.  For most of the journey the path he had chosen was easy.  After a while, though, he found himself at a large swamp that did not have an easily discovered route or much in the way of safe footing.  Not long after he had taken his first step to get through to the other side he discovered that he was quite stuck.  The mud and grime had covered his feet past his ankles. 

Each time he tried to move forward he found himself lodged ever more deeply into the swamp.  And each try to dislodge himself was exhausting.  Seeing that he had plenty of food, and the water of the swamp was at least potable enough for drinking, he resigned himself to staying right where he was.

It was lonely and dark where he was.  But he was alive and that was at least valuable enough to not give up completely.  After some time he saw another man walking towards the spot that he had found himself stuck.  This man seemed to have a masterful sense of where to safely place his feet and kept moving forward.  Soon this man had arrived at the exact spot our friend had found himself.

He said, "I thought you might be stuck.  This journey can be treacherous.  Here is my hand, allow me to pull you out.  I know the way, if you follow my steps we will safely arrive on the other side and we can journey the rest of the way together."

The man who was stuck contemplated the offer with suspicion.  Perhaps this traveler only meant to help him so that he could take what food he did have.  Or, maybe he didn't know the rest of the way out, and would only lead him to even deeper mud without the comforts he was making due with in his current place.  It may be bad here, but who knows where I could end up?

So he replied, "Thank you sir for your offer.  While I do not particularly enjoy where I am, it is possibly much better than where we may end up.  Instead of continuing on, can you just stay and sit awhile.  It isn't a lovely place to be, but if you were to join me here, we may find it to be a much more enjoyable experience than being in the swamp alone." 

The new traveler looked sadly at the man who was stuck.  With a deep sigh he replied, "I am sorry, but I cannot stay where you are.  This swamp is not where I intend on dwelling.  My home is on the other side, and I have come from there and know the path back.  I would be gladdened to have you join me.  It is likely that there are others, who like yourself, have found themselves stuck here.  If I were to stop my journey home, there would be no one to show them the way."

After hearing the reply the stuck man replied, "I appreciate what you say, friend, but I don't know you well enough to trust where you are going.  Perhaps if I continue to wait someone else will come along who will be my companion to pass the time"

With a sad look in his eyes, the new traveler faced back in the direction he was heading and continued on.

Saddest Moment in Cinematic History

There is a damaging lie that we have decided to embrace and live by;  Jesus wants to hang out with you right where you are.  Where does it come from?  We start with the truth that Jesus loves us right where we are, that grace is free, that we are loved because we are His.  This is all true.  God is not afraid of our problems, grace is not for those who have cleaned up their act.

But we stop there.  God loves me right where I am.  Christ died for me while I was still his enemy.  I am so blessed that He has come to my place to hang out and make things better......

When Jesus approaches Matthew, the tax collector, we need to see two essential truths that are not mutually exclusive. 

1)  Jesus DOES go right to where Matthew is.  He is not afraid to talk to a man who is doing that which is sinful and hurtful to others.  Boldly He approaches Matthew in the midst of his sinful behavior.

2)  Jesus THEN tells Matthew to follow Him.  And Matthew gets up from his table, the place where his sin is put into practice, and follows Jesus.

Today it is so common to hear the refrain that we should just "affirm" people right where they are.  If it makes them happy, if it is what they want, if it is what they believe...then it is perfectly fine.  To say otherwise is hurtful, intolerant, hateful.  The name of Jesus is invoked often in these claims.  Don't judge, err on the side of love...LIKE CHRIST...etc etc.

The problem, the damning problem, that is inherent in this view, is that it tells us a lie that we are all, at our core, just fine.  The troubles in our life aren't "sin", or, "being wrong", they are just not being loved enough, or, loving enough.  If we just had a bit more love then everything would be ok.

But our problem is not a lack of love, it is a lack of honesty about our sin.  We don't like to hear the ugly truth that there is something wrong inside of us, something that we can't just change or fix by adding more "positive" stuff.  The Jesus we want is one who just comes into our lives to make everything better.  To be the icing on the cake of the life we want.

So, when things are rough, and things don't get "better" in the way our soul cries out for.  Our approach is just to try to get more of it that we think will make it all better.  And, for the pseudo-Christian spirituality of this age, that means adding more "Feel Good and Affirming Jesus"(tm). 

Jesus talked a lot about unconditional love, he lived a life of grace, he gave lavishly to those who did not deserve it(me!).  But He was unapologetic about our problem.  Sin.  And unapologetic about the solution.  Repentance.

Repentance is not saying, "I'm sorry".  It is the daily act of turning away from self and aligning ourselves with God.  To stop moving inward towards our selfishness, and outward towards His Truth.  You cannot have the loving Jesus without the Jesus who preached, "Go and Sin no more, Follow me, Put down your nets" etc.  They are not mutually exclusive Christs. 

You and I find ourselves in swamps.  We are stuck.  Unable to move forward without help.  Incapable of finding the next safe footing.  Jesus walks right through the mud and grime to find us right where we are.  The dirt doesn't deter him.  The risks do not frighten him.  And when He arrives he says, "Follow me".

Are we going to follow Him out to where we need to be?  Or, are we going to expect Him to give up home to dwell in our mud?  Who are we to demand that Jesus has to give up heaven and dwell in our own hell?  He is offering you more than you can get where you are.  Get up and follow where His feet may lead.