Parenting and the Cross

Being a parent forces you to focus on priorities.   Every moment of every day is limited.  And this is especially true when your kids are still quite little.  You blink and another year has passed.  Just the other day, my wife and I had lost track of the time and realized that we were about an hour behind on starting the bedtime routine.  Clearly this made for a relaxed evening of well-behaved children……

Success means knowing what is and isn’t important and not compromising on getting those most important priorities accomplished.  It is easy to get distracted by the non-essentials and miss out on key moments.  A five year old needs to learn to pick up their own room, but it is more important that they know they are loved than they have a clean room.  And it is vital that they don’t confuse being loved with a result of the cleanliness of their room!

Well-meaning parents will sadly sometimes miss the most important priority in what it means to be parent; Love.  Nothing else matters if your parenting isn’t driven by love.  A child who doesn’t feel like their parents instructions are coming from a place of love is a person who will grow up to be resentful of the behaviors and habits they were unfairly “forced” to have.

“If Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is useless, and so is your faith” -1 Corinthians 15:14

Being a follower of Christ I have one priority.  Christ crucified and Christ risen.  As the Apostle Paul points out in 1 Corinthians, our faith begin and ends with the message of the Cross.  Everything else hinges on that.  It is easy to focus on the peripherals first.  What I like to call the behavior modification aspects.  But Christ didn’t come to help us behave better, but to die for our sins, defeat sin and death, and offer, through HIS finished work, hope for eternity. 

The power of whatever I do as a preacher is sourced from one place.  The unconditional love offered at the Cross.  The people in our lives don’t need a better approach to achieving some sort of “better life” goals.  They need to hear the Gospel of the Cross. 

My kids need to know that they are loved deeply before what I teach them, hold them accountable to, and expect from them, makes sense.  And they need to know that their success and/or failure at achieving these standards is not the basis of whether their daddy loves them.  The love is unconditional, which gives them the freedom and hope to get back up when they fall. 

We need to know that we are deeply loved BEFORE we are equipped to pursue the Holiness that Christ calls us to.  And the Cross tells us that this love is not dependent upon how well we are currently doing at running hard after Christ.  People change because they are loved.  They can’t change so that they can get loved.

Some of us need more help as parents than others.....

What good is a Church?

We Americans love our individualism.  No one to tell us what to do, no one to tell us we are wrong.  One of the reasons entrepreneurship is so high in the good ole US of A is that so many people don't like working for/with other people.  And we like our "religious" life like we like our jobs.  Our own!

A friend of mine from my former ministry world was married to a great gal who I enjoyed highly.  On the outside they seemed like a loving God fearing couple who enjoyed serving in ministry together.  Not long after they left their ministry "jobs" they stopped attending church all together.  They were looking to do something more "organic" and felt the structured formality of the "church" was a hindrance to real ministry. 

A few years after that my friend decided he just wasn't interested in marriage anymore and since he knew God just wanted him to be happy he called it quits on his wife and young child.  A few of us went to confront him about it and it was the most odd conversation I remember ever having with someone.  He had always had some fringe theological beliefs but his new positions were completely unhinged from scripture.  When we asked him what Christian men he was involved with who he would allow to speak into his life he claimed he didn't need it because he had the Holy Spirit....which was continuing to confirm for him everything he wanted to do anyways....

Today he refuses to talk to any Christians, and not even his own parents, because everyone in his life stood up against his crazy and self-serving viewpoints.  He wanted to define Christianity through the lens of himself and was completely unwilling to be challenged on any of his viewpoints. 

I read a great quote by Timothy Keller the other day.  "If your god never disagrees with you, you might just be worshiping an idealized version of yourself."

Today we worship ourselves, rarely do we worship the one true Living Creator God of all the Universe.  Who became flesh in the person of Jesus Christ and who came to Earth, died on the cross, and rose again.  What is the most obvious way we show that we are worshipping self?

We leave the Church.

I don't mean you stopped attending the local First Liberty Baptist Methodist Living Water Tabernacle that your grandma went to.  I mean we have decided that we get to decide by ourselves what Christianity looks like and we don't want anyone getting in the way of interpreting God as high fiving us as we leave our wives and kids.....

Our favorite misquoted Bible Passage to support this travesty is Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” 

See?!?!?  I don't need a Church, just 2 of us and "BOOOM!!"  Church!! 

Yay proof texting.

As a reminder....Read more than a single sentence to understand the Bible. 

What is the full context of Matthew 18's claim of "2 or 3"?  It is about dealing with sin WITHIN the Church.  First you go privately, then you go with a few friends, then you go get the CHURCH.  Did you catch that?  This whole passage is written in the assumption that an individual is actively involved in their local Church.

I am not going to bore you with details here...But read for yourself.  The entirety of the New Testament is written in the context of believers tightly woven into the life of a local Church.  The assumption is that a Christian is WITHIN the local Church.  And what is the local church tasked with?  Holding firm to the faith, teaching truth, correcting sin, supporting their members, preaching the Gospel. 

Are many of the commands written to the Church able to be appropriately translated into the lives of individuals?  Of course.  But they are not distinctly separate from the community of believers.  There is no Biblical precedence for autonomous individuals creating their own version of Christianity outside of the life of the local body. 

So what good is the Church?

First:  Jesus established the Church and his disciples(apostles) established local churches to be the functioning and visible picture of the Universal Church.  The New Testament is written in the context of this community.  So before you talk about anything else, we have to recognize that being grafted into a local body of believers is the expected normal state of being for a Christian.

Second:  What about my friend I told you about?  The Church has a role in our lives to stand up for truth and call us to the carpet when we sin.  And not just private sin, but sin that harms others.  If we separate ourselves from the body, who will support you and call you out on your bologna?  I can theorize why he left the church....its quite simple really...he wanted to do what HE wanted to do, and didn't want anyone to call him out. 

The Church is the central and visible practice of the Christian life.  Sitting alone on a mountain top contemplating deep theological thoughts is not why Christ died for you.  

We like to think our individualism makes us so unique.  Instead, we are often just selfish and think we are better than others

 

Who's Laughing Now?

Matthew 9:24
Jesus said, "Go away.  The girl is not dead but asleep".  But they laughed at Him.

My son wants to learn how to skateboard.  He got one for Christmas a while ago along with a really cool helmet and knee pads.  When he was all set up to go he took his first step on to the board...and promptly fell off.  He hasn't tried since. 

He was only 3 at the time, and in his little 3 year old mind, this dramatic failure was a sign of impossibility.  The pain of falling caused him to be fearful of even trying again.  I love my little guy, but he is easily frustrated by failure.  It is part of his personality makeup and will be something we have to work through with him for years to come.  Whether school work, new games or just life in general. 

Why do we keep lovingly helping him keep trying.  Because we know that sometimes things that are worth it aren't easy.  Sometimes, when you don't yet have a full perspective, you cannot see the success on the other side of trying and failing.  Bad parents support their kids giving up when something is tough.  Loving parents hold their hands and help them get up again.  What kind of adult do you think will be developed if the people in their life always tell them, "You're right, not worth it, impossible, you can't do it...."? 

A heartbroken father approaches Jesus with an impossible situation.  His daughter has died.  We have seen Jesus heal sickness, but death?  This doesn't dissuade this father though.  There is one thing he recognizes; If there is any hope of new life, it is only in Jesus.

When Jesus arrives at the home of the dead girl the funeral "celebration" is in full swing.  A crowd has gathered, musicians are playing whatever it is you play on flutes at a funeral....?  Jesus looks at all the people who have come to commemorate the end of life and has a pretty "odd" statement.  She is sleeping, not dead.  And they laugh at him...

Death is final...she is dead....what kind of idiot is this?

So they are sent out.

Jesus goes to the girl and simply takes her by the hand and she stands up.  Alive.  Healed.  A whole life in front of her.

There are three types of people we have to recognize in our lives.

1)  Those who are "dead"
2)  Those who have hope
3)  Those who mock hope


1-  Being dead takes all sorts of forms.  Sometimes it is us.  Sometimes it is those we love. Sometimes it is situations, relationships, things, communities, etc.  And like my skateboard falling off of son, we are always real quick to throw in the towel.

2-  Hope isn't a blind swinging in the dark.  The hope that this father displays is one built on the confidence of the Jesus he has come to discover and know.  The Jesus of impossible.  What is impossible for man, is possible for Christ.  He puts his hope not in a generic ambiguous idea, he GOES to Jesus to put his hope in the proper context.

3-  Everyone is a counselor.  Few are qualified.  Few care to speak truth, only what makes them comfortable.  The crowds gathered when Jesus arrives do not care to see hope in Christ.  They see life through the lens they are used to.  Death is final.  Even when the miracle worker shows up in their midst, they do not recognize Hope, they laugh at it. 

So how do we deal with these realities?  How do we make headway in the midst of death, heartache and tragedy?

First, embrace the reality that death is real.  That sometimes there are things that are beyond your reach of fixing.  This father could have stood over his daughter all day, shaking her, giving CPR, etc.  But it would have done no good.  He can't bring new life to that which is dead.  Embracing this reality doesn't mean resigning yourself to it.  It means accepting your inability to do anything about it.

Second, put hope into action.  This father doesn't just weep, he goes.  He places his hope not in new circumstances, miracle cures, special prayers...He places it in a person.  Christ.  We can say until we are blue in the face that we put our hope in Jesus to heal and fix and raise again, but we rarely go to Him.  We talk about Him, but do not dwell with Him.  Are you actively, consistently, and hopingly placing your life into His hands?
    
Third, who are your counselors?  If this heartbroken dad had gone to and listened to the gathered crowd, he would not have gone to Jesus.  What do you think would have happened if he said, "My daughter is dead, but Jesus can save her?"  The crowd that easily laughed in the face of the known miracle worker, would have talked him out of it.  With statements like, "That's just your grief talking.  Death is final.  The sooner you accept 'reality' the quicker you will heal.  Don't waste your time, false hope will just make you sadder." 

And if he had listened....his daughter would be dead.  He took his heartache and pain and hope and placed it as the feet of Jesus.  And Jesus responded.

We need to recognize that people who tell us to give up(in as many words) are lying to us.  Not intentionally.  But they are.  This does not mean that everything that YOU want to happen in the WAY you want it to happen will occur.  But without Jesus death IS final.  With Jesus, NOTHING IS OVER. 

Who are you listening to?  People who point you not to answers, or solutions, but to Jesus?  Or people who tell you to give up, accept death, move on?  Whether Jesus brings your "child" back to "life" or not, HE WILL GIVE YOU NEW LIFE.  The power of the Cross promises that even in death, with Christ as our Hope, beauty, hope, new life, will always be the answer He provides. 

There is nothing in your life with more permanence than actual death.  And Jesus has beaten it!

1 Corinthians 15:54-56

⁵⁴ When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”^[a]

⁵⁵ “Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting?”^[b]

⁵⁶ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.