Exhausted by Holiness, or, Why Can't I Do Enough

Actual footage of me trying to save myself

Have you ever felt your value is measured in what you do, or, what you can produce?  That every relationship you have is in some way transactional?  If you do "this", then you will be valued, if you can behave just a little bit better than you will receive the love/care/respect/etc that you desperately are desiring?  

To add to that, there is also the powerful sense that we are in a "what have you done for me lately" world.  Maybe I was valued yesterday because I did great that day, but today, I didn't do so hot, so I am no longer someone worthy.  

Exhausting.

Human history is shaped by this constant grasping after feeling "ok" knowing that at any moment we will still mess up, fall short, and be cast out.  Even when you observe religion you see a list of tasks that must be perfectly completed or you will be out! 

And this religious impulse through history is even put into practice in all our new modes of "religion" today.  Think about all the social movements that exist.  Whether BLM, Me Too, Political parties, Eco Justice, etc.  It doesn't take long for the group that you desperately tried to be accepted by to turn on you because all your previous good work is cast aside when you mess up on one area.  

Your best is never going to be good enough.  

Our spiritual struggle is the deeply internal acknowledgement that something is wrong.  Wrong with the world around us, wrong in our relationships, wrong in ourselves.  Even at our best, there are the hidden parts of ourselves(and sometimes not so hidden) that shout out, "This is not ok, this is not right, there is something wrong".  

Most of the time we are quite capable of stringing together enough obvious "good" in our lives that we can hold at bay the thoughts of inadequacy.  In the West, we are almost experts at this.  We can fill our lives with so much entertainment and comfort that we can stave off these feelings almost indefinitely.  But it always comes due at some point.  

It shouldn't come as a surprise that in an era of the greatest prosperity and material comfort and "ethical" living we have an ever increasing, at record levels, mental health issues of depression, anxiety and hopelessness.  

How is this possible?  The external world is improving, yet our internal lives are falling apart.  

It IS possible because we are a people desperate for absolution.  And all our comforts and self-pleasing behaviors offer no such thing as forgiveness and absolution. We intrinsically see that our internal and external realities are at war with the state and condition with reality.  The Apostle Paul points out in Romans chapter 2 that even those who claim there is not God, fall short of their own standards.  Entertainment and distraction just shoves the problems down deeper where they fester and rot. 

And when we fall short of what we hope for and there is no hope for absolution, we are left anxious and depressed.  

We pursue an exhausting form of "holiness".  The rules are constantly changing, the judges are arbitrary and often capricious in their verdicts. 

But why is this so?  

In God's Word we see where it started, but are also pointed to where it is going.

Genesis lays out our ultimate issue that started in the garden.  Adam and Eve did not just want to disobey God, they wanted to be the ones calling the shots.(to be God ourselves free of consequence-Gen 3:4-5).  At that moment in history the heart of all of our issues that we struggle with today are painted in stark fashion.

We are made for God.

We are made with a purpose.

We rebel and break the vertical relationship with our creator and it ricochets to destroy our horizontal relationships with each other and the rest of creation.(Genesis 3:12-19)

And we are incapable of truly fixing it all.  

So we get on the hamster wheel and think if we can just run a bit farther, a bit faster, a bit more passionately, then, then we can see and feel our desperately desired absolution.  And we are tired as we see as much as we have worked, we are still in the same spot.

But God.

But God, loves us.  He created us for Himself, with a purpose, to have a relationship with Him. 

When Jesus, God the Son, saw His people tired, beat up, worn down, he looked at them with compassion.(Matthew 9:36)

When Jesus went to the Cross his compassion was an active work of healing and restoring as he declared "It is Finished"(John 19:30)

Not, lets get started, here is all the work to do.  It. Is. Finished.  

But Adam(this is you talking here)..But Adam, if it is finished, what are we supposed to be doing to make sure we are loved by God???  Are you saying we can do whatever we want??????

So let me double down with what Paul says in Galatians 3

You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2 I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? 3 Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh? 4 Have you experienced so much in vain—if it really was in vain? 5 So again I ask, does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard? 6 So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”

What Paul is dealing with is that after starting off their relationship with God based on the love of Christ and His finished work, they are now trying to reverse engineer their salvation and absolution of sins through all the works they can do to look good enough.

Stop it.

Jesus said IT IS FINISHED.  He meant it.

So what DO we do about sins in our lives and in the lives of the people we love.

This is how John puts it in 1 John 3

2 Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3 All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.

What makes us like Christ according to John?  What purifies us?  

John doesn't say, "you will be like Christ and purified when you start doing the right stuff".  He says when you place your hope in Christ and look upon Him and truly see and know him THAT will be what changes us.

So here is the false bill of goods we are often sold that is directly contrasted from what God's Word actually says.

FALSE NARRATIVE:

1- There is a problem in you and the world

2- You better do do do do to fix it or carry around guilt

3-  If you do enough good stuff you MIGHT be ok, hopefully

4- And if you want to be right with God in all of this don't forget all of those rules too

GOD'S TRUTH

1- There is a problem in you and the world

2- You can't do better by doing more, God will take away your guilt and shame

3- When you experience that and look to Him in hope you WILL be ok

4- Because you are right with God already, your natural behavior changes because of God in you as your place your hope in Him as you look upon Him in truth

Stop trying to make yourself ok.  Lay down your burdens and look on a savior who perfectly did for you what you could never truly accomplish.  Give up the exhausting lie that you can absolve yourself and achieve holiness.  You will never be holy.  But Christ is.  And he calls you to enjoy Him forever.  

Jesus, the Demon

My son has a pretty arbitrary standard for whether or not he likes you....Do you do what HE wants.....  He is a very opinionated and strong willed child(clearly from his mother...) and he has little patience for things that aren't exactly what he wants.  Everything that goes in opposition to his desires creates the most dramatic responses. 

If he does not get what he wants he will go to the nuclear option immediately.  Phrases that he uses way too often are, "You're the worst", or, "I don't want you as a daddy anymore".  While we work on correcting this behavior, it is a very insightful look into our own hearts. 

I know that you probably don't tell people they are the worst if they won't give you a piece of candy....but you do get angry and reject people who do not live up to your arbitrary standards.  We view the worth of a person by the degree to which they please us.  When we honestly examine our emotional responses to people, negative and positive, they are deeply interwoven with how we perceive their actions and their affects on us. 

Ultimately, this heart attitude is a defining characteristic of our response to God, the Bible and Christ.  We ask ourselves, "How does this make me FEEL?"  When we perceive something being in contradiction to how we feel, or, what we want, we become belligerent towards God.  Or, we just ignore Him all together.  While we generally like the concept of a Holy Deity who loves us and has a plan for us, we want that love and plan to be shaped by our desires.  And when it conflicts with those self-centered priorities we say, "you're the worst".

Often the core issue for people's rejection of the claims of Christ and the reliability of Scripture comes from a place of strong personal disagreement and rejection of Truth claims that are in opposition to personal preferences.  I can't count the number of times I have heard the argument against God and the Bible based upon a personal disagreement on "this" issue.  Never is there a willingness to engage in the possibility that a finite, subjective and personal preference is potentially incorrect and mistaken in contrast to the possibility of a perfect and Holy creator King of all the universe. 

My son doesn't yet concede the possibility that it is likely NOT a good thing for him to have MORE candy.  He wants what he wants, and I am his enemy(even though briefly) for being an obstacle to him obtaining his selfish desires. 

In John 8 Jesus finally throws down the gauntlet.  First, he has spent the last few days telling everyone that all their hyper-religious behavior is of no real value, then he calls them children of the devil, and finally, strike three, he claims to be the great, "I AM".  And at this point they decided that it was time to kill this offensive fellow.(vs 58-59) 

As Jesus is doing and saying all of this they respond by saying that Jesus is clearly demon possessed.(v 48)  They don't like what they hear, they don't appreciate that he calls them on their behavior that they are selfishly convinced is the "right" and "righteous" way to behave.  So they become antagonistic towards him.  Their rejection is based upon a purely emotional response to being told that what they like and what they want isn't "ok".  Who is he, they think, to tell us that there is a right way to come to God, and that OUR way is not it??

Either Jesus is who He claims to be(The Great I AM) or he is not.  If He is, we need to humble ourselves, because no matter how firmly we hold onto our preferences and beliefs we are standing in opposition to the Most High.  You might REALLLLY want that piece of candy right now, but at what cost?

Reality; we are like toddlers who are told "no". 

  

Freedom to Change

In my house we don't say "stupid".  By that, I mean, we don't let our kids say it.  It is just an ugly word in the way it is often used, and so it is one of our "no-no" words. 

Problem is, I say it alllllllllll the time.  And I get called out on it.  By a four year old.  If I cannot rein in my own tongue it can cause some real problems for those who I am trying to teach.  When we don't deal honestly with our own shortcomings and problems, we invalidate ourselves.

Freedom is a wonderful thing.  A wonderful, dangerous thing.  A wonderful, dangerous, and worthy to be defended thing.  Rules do not change people, freedom changes people.  All the groundings in the world will not make my son truly love his sister(and not hit her).  The freedom to love and be loved will change his heart.  You generally do not change yourself internally by externally doing things.

Take a moment.  Think through what you believe the general public understanding of what modern Christianity in America is focused on........

Let's compare lists...here's mine:

1- Sex
2- Rules
3- Judging
4- Anti-Science
5- Anti-Women
6- Money

If you know me at all, and have read anything I have written, you know I strongly disagree with this list.  But whether or not I disagree with it, it is what it is.  Ask Joe or Jane Public on the street what they think about Christianity, that is generally what they will respond. 

So how do we combat it? 

Well, here is how we DON'T combat it...

By arguing point by point each of these false perceptions and attempting to make a watertight case for why those points are not really representative.  The way we attempt to do that actually reinforces that perception.

How?

Take the "sex" conversation....Someone is complaining that Christian's should just stay out of peoples bedrooms.  A typical response is to say, "no no no, we aren't trying to control your life at all....God designed us to experience that.....BUTTTTTT only like He prescribed, and when we ignore His instructions we only hurt ourselves...I am just trying to HELP you!".........That person says, "Well, I don't feel like it's hurting me, so shut up!"

One;  The Christian statement is not FALSE.  It is just unhelpful.

Two; Even Solomon recognized that people who do things that are wrong will often still get good things....and it can be frustrating!!  You can't say "Don't do this or bad things will happen"  Because, if bad things haven't happened yet, they won't take you seriously.

Three;  Are you realllly trying to help them?  If all mankind's destiny is the same, to stand before a Righteous and Just God, then whether or not someone did or didn't have sex outside of marriage isn't going to be the main point of contention.  When your friend has a gun shot wound, take them to the hospital, don't offer to give them a makeover!


Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?  -Romans 2:4

Here is what you and I need to get real about.  The Gospel is not a series of hoops that we jump through to achieve Holiness.  Paul's words here are not very gentle.  Do you show CONTEMPT????  When we boil the Gospel into a series of behaviors were acting towards God with contempt. 

What changes people?  God's kindness.  Not people's goodness.  The kindness of God is not predicated upon the receiving individuals personal behavior improvements.  But entirely rooted in the character of God.  When we reverse the direction to being kindness received upon goodness, our behavior is contemptible. 

Change comes from the freedom found in being loved.  Not forced behavior and punishment.  We inadvertently present ourselves to a watching world in a destructive and false way.  They(non-Christians) act sinfully and we(Christians) act righteously.  It makes us out to be hypocritical liars, because we DON'T act righteously.  Our hope is in God's goodness, not ours.

When I talk to my son about his behavior, he is going to have more and more reasons in his life to notice my own shortcomings.  If I present the rules to him from the perspective of "Do this, be good like daddy!" He will soon catch on to my "lies". 

Yesterday he said, "Daddy, you said stupid"

I said, "I am sorry buddy, you are right.  Daddy wants to do better because it is good for us to speak kindly.  Thanks for telling me, I want to keep working on it, just like you!"

Get honest with ourselves and others.  We are not that good either.  But God is!

Is Jesus' Execution a Moral Act

My son has a strong sense of justice and fairness.  Most 4 year olds do.  When it comes to things related to his little sister everything has to be "fair".  Even if his concept of fair is a bit off, it has to be fair, ACCORDING TO HIM. 

The other day his little sister was upset about something and as a loving and caring big brother he suggested that some gummies might make her feel better.  What a sweet boy!  So as I was getting her a packet he thoughtfully said to me, "You know, it wouldn't be fair if she got gummies and I didn't.  You need to give me some too....."

I'm on to you kid.

As we age and "mature" we don't really change that much.  Our sense of fairness can be very self-centered.  The struggle is found in our inability to evaluate FAIRLY all the circumstances of an event that is affecting us.  There are blinders placed upon our perception of what is occurring that are fundamentally shaped by our ego-centric view of the world. 

If you don't agree with me, let me ask you this.  Have you ever felt angry and offended by how another car is driving on the highway?  Did you yell something at a driver who just cut you off while being self-assured that they are possibly the worst person on the planet? 

Did you ever cut someone off?  Don't lie....you have. 

Everything that happens to us is generally not very far removed from what we have at least one time done ourselves.  But but but, when we did it was an; accident, justifiable, one time, deserving, etc.

The murkiness in evaluating fairness and justice gets quite confusing when we start to evaluate the condition of our hearts and inner selves.  Especially in relation to the God revealed in the Bible.  At the heart of our disagreement in the revelation of God's righteous judgment against sin is the unstated belief that we really are not that bad and what we have done is not too terrible in the first place.

A big sticking place for many people is the Crucifixion of Christ.  Christian theology teaches us that Jesus' act of sacrifice was a necessary response to our sin and God's justice.  Often the self-assured criticism of such an act is that God must be some sort of abusive tyrant that He would demand death for my little white lies. 

A term of what Jesus does for us is "atonement".  Which basically means, to make payment for.  If the Bible is true, then ALL sin leads to death.  1 John tells us that God is light, and in God there is NO darkness.  There is no middle ground.  Either we are perfect, like God is perfect, or Death is the result.  What Jesus does on the cross is to pay the price of this reality on the behalf of those who can't pay it themselves.

Perhaps you have a philosophical problem with the connecting your "lying" to death.  It seems a bit too extreme a response to you.

Let me illustrate this with a reality that you will readily understand.

What would happen if you were angry at your best friend and you hit them?  Probably not much.  They might hit you back.  They might stop being your best friend.  But there wouldn't be much more than that.

What would happen if you were angry and hit a police officer?  You would be arrested and charged with the crime of assaulting a police officer.  Conviction would carry jail time. 

What would happen if you were angry and hit a child?  You would be arrested, not allowed near kids, and be treated as a pariah in civilized communities.

What would happen if you were angry and tried to physically assault the President of the United States?  You would most likely be shot.  If you survived that, you would be tried for treason and it may possibly be allowable to have you executed.

In each scenario the behavior you engaged in is essentially the same behavior.  But the context of the situation, and the role your target has radically changes the outcome.  Your best friend represents your best friend, the POUS represents an entire nation.  The crime "act" is the same, but the heart of the act, and the target of the act are exponentially different. 

While the person of the President is exponentially more "important" than that of your best friend, the person of God is INFINITELLY more important than even that of the President.  While the simple act may be the "same" what it represents is incomparable.  We logically accept the reality that hitting the President rightfully requires graver consequences than hitting your friend.  How much more so when the object of the affront is an infinitely Holy God, Creator of All??

Sin has no other outcome than death.  By God's very nature(LIGHT) all darkness(SIN) will be eradicated.  It isn't just a deliberate petty act to destroy sin.  But by the very nature of things, sin cannot exist in God's presence. 

When Jesus went to the cross He went as a logical response to the reality of Life.  Sin, ALL SIN, carries the penalty of death.  And it is a penalty that we are incapable of paying.  So in an act of absolute Love and Grace, God paid the price we cannot pay.   

God is Not Deaf

Matthew 6:9-13
This, then, is how you should pray:

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one."

We have a problem in our family.  Whining.  There is this incessant tone that our children take about nearly everything that basically comes out as a whiny incomprehensible white noise.  It sometimes feels like they can't even ask for a glass of water without rubbing their nails down a chalkboard. 

A new favorite phrase we have begun to employ is, "I don't hear whiny voices".

How many parents have had to say that?  Every single one of them at some point in their little "angels" lives.......

Can you imagine what would happen if we didn't actively correct and teach our children to communicate appropriately?  I have nightmares of Kai one day sitting in his bosses office saying, "Buuuuuut puhleeeeeaaaaaasseeeeeeee can I leeeave early on friiiidayyyy?"  How successful would our kids careers and adult lives be if they took this obnoxious and childish behavior with them into their teen years and beyond?

As parents we have been entrusted with raising our children to function in healthy and honorable ways.  A child's natural inclination is not towards responsibility.  We have to instill in them those patterns and attitudes.  We all know some adults that clearly were not raised responsibly.  People who are always complaining about their job/work/boss/life.  Who can never keep a job long term and are always bouncing from relationship to relationship. 

There is a really important area where we have a tendency to whine.  Prayers.

"Buuuuutt Gaaawwwwdddd, I realllllly want thissssssss"

And to borrow from my sons favorite phrase  "If you don't do thissss for me, I won't be your friend anymore!!!"

We approach God like spoiled little brats that expect the Holy Sovereign King of all Creation to just drop everything to go get us what we want right now.  And then, when we don't get what we want, how do we feel?  God isn't listening, He doesn't love me, I don't want to be His friend anymore!!!

Jesus lays out very clearly the way to approach with honor and respect God through prayer.  Let me break it down for us in a way that is applicable;


"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name"
The very beginning of our prayer is a humble and honoring recognition of who God is.  Holy and high above us.  This is essential.  The foundational principle of prayer is rooted in the idea that God is God and we are not.  When you approach your boss at work, do you talk down to them?  Of course not, you know exactly how that would end up.  Why would we approach God any differently?

Are you willing to actively recognize his absolute Holiness in the midst of your needs?


"Your Kingdom Come, Your Will Be done"
Whose will?  Not ours.  Before we even make a personal request, we need to trust that what is right and true is God's will, NOT our desires.  God's will is not going to be thwarted.  He will continue to work all things to His glory and our good.  This is essential in finding hope within our needs.  If we begin to submit our hearts to God's will, we can be shaped by an attitude that does not feel fear or anxiety when what we immediately observe seems difficult. 

We love the passage in Philippians 4 that says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  You know why we generally like it?  Because we misread it!  It isn't telling us we are going to win at something.  It is telling us that Paul has learned that when rooted in God's goodness that he is able to be joyful and hopeful and that he can ENDURE all the difficulties that life throws at him.  Paul learned to not lean on what he currently has, but the goodness of God and His unshakeable will!  When we pray, we must place everything in the context of God's sovereignty in all areas!

Have you checked your heart in your prayers recently?  Whose will are you really praying about and hoping in? 

"Give us today our daily bread"
There is an insidious movement within western Christianity.  The thinking that having a bunch of stuff/health/money/etc is the proof of God's love for us.  What does Jesus tell us to pray.  For our daily bread.  The full testimony of scripture teaches us that for every moment and every situation we must be able to approach empty handed and trust that THIS, even THIS, God will provide for us.  The picture of daily bread is not one of long term confidence in the bank.  But continual seeking of God for every single thing. 

Is your heart attitude towards your circumstances "one day at a time", or, is it about living right now in this very moment and trusting that God will walk you through to the other side?  Guess which one Jesus tells us to pray about.......

"And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors"
This is an interesting little cause and effect.  Does scripture overall indicate that your inability to always act in a forgiving manner at all times mean you WILL NOT be forgiven?  No, of course not. But what is going on here in the language?  Our willingness to humbly forgive those who AREN'T ALWAYS deserving of it has a direct effect on our ability to experience God's forgiveness.  A bitter heart towards others is a heart that won't be able to experience the Grace that has been given to it!

Are you ready to humbly let go of bitterness and love in the same sacrificial way that God has loved you?

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one"
Every day we must be praying and seeking protection from the temptations of life.  Do you accept the reality of spiritual warfare?  Because if you don't, you are setting yourself up for a fall.  There is an enemy who will take every possible chance to tear you down, hurt you, put you in a hole.  A prayerful approach is a proactive way of putting our lives into God's hands and not dwelling in the sinful mindsets that lead to our pain. 

What sins in your life are killing you?  It's time to name them and pray for, and believe in, protection from them!


Right this moment, I challenge you to start praying.  And praying in the way Jesus TOLD you and I to pray.  Stop communicating like a whiny child.  God is not deaf, speak to Him in the way that honors who He is!

Is it just me, or is Calliou the whiniest kid ever.

I have never before wished such harm on a cartoon character.